


13 Things You might see in the Avengers Tower – Jarvis has seen (almost) everything

by QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds



Series: MCU Crack Fics [5]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 13 Things, Allspeak, Although it got kinda... interesting, Blood and Injury, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, But if you’re easily triggered by that please don’t read chapter 3, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Clint being a prankster, Coming Out, Crack, Don't Try This At Home, Fluff and Crack, He is also very protective, Hide and Seek, I have no clue how it happened but:, I mean it. The Burn is SLOW, I'll tag more as soon as I know what will happen in this..., Idiots in Love, Injury, Kinda, LGBTQ Themes, Mentioning of Howard Starks A+ Parenting, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, POV JARVIS (Iron Man movies), Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Pining Idiots, Post-Avengers (2012), Protective Avengers, Protective Bruce Banner, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Thor (Marvel), Protective Tony Stark, Sarcasm, Sassy Jarvis, Slow Burn, Some blood but nothing major, Stab Wound, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Steve being Soft, Steve uses his strength to overpower Tony, Stupid shit, Supportive Avengers, Team as Family, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Thor Loves Pop-Tarts (Marvel), Thor is a sweetheart, Tony Being Tony, Tony Stark & Thor Friendship, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, a moment that could be viewed as critical about doing something against the consent of someone else, and it was unfounded, because why not, cursing, disgusting sandwiches, dont worry its still PG13, dramatic idiots in love, hopefully, mentioning of a panic attack, mentioning of victim shaming, mentions of abuse, mom and dad of the avengers, not so much angst this time around, nothing graphic, nothing happens and everyone is comfortable. Still., seriously, sexy-pizza-eating, taking care of each other, they make all of them suffer, why isnt that a tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26109526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds/pseuds/QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds
Summary: Jarvis has seen a variety of situations that humans would declare impossible. His existence for example. But since his creator hosted the Avengers in their home, his frame of reference expanded quite a bit.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Tony Stark, Clint Barton & Tony Stark, Jarvis & Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Avengers, Tony Stark & James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Tony Stark & Thor, pre Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: MCU Crack Fics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1836838
Comments: 243
Kudos: 257





	1. Clint Barton eats things other humans declare inedible

**Author's Note:**

> Addicted to all of the Comments and Kudos this supposedly functioning adult (I wish) decided to spend her night writing rather than doing something productive...
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Also: im thinking I’m doing something wrong. I’m still not owning Marvel! How could that happen?

Jarvis has the knowledge of the internet – and thanks to his creator the common sense to filter reliable sources from unreliable ones. One of the first things Jarvis learned – and keeps a close eye on – are the developments around the human condition. Particularly everything concerning how to keep humans healthy. Because he has learned – quite painfully he might add – that humans, especially one human the AI loves with all his mechanical heart, have no regards whatsoever for it.

Sometimes that means Jarvis has to witness his creator risk his own life without an ounce of understanding what it would do to the Avengers, his friends and family, the world and Jarvis, if he died.

Sometimes it means he watches the same creator, a genius unparalleled to Jarvis knowledge, not eating and sleeping because he can’t understand that his body does need rest and sustenance.

Sometimes it’s an argument about food choices that, even if they aren’t dangerous in the traditional sense, aren’t what humans normally view as edible. Like a sandwich with Nutella and liver sausage.

“What are you making?” Steve Rogers stepped into the communal kitchen, his hair still damp from the shower he just took. He was a creature of habit in the exact opposite way of his Sir, so Jarvis had taken the liberty to study his behavior to try to get a better grasp of the working of the human mind. After months of observing and comparing he came to a rather disheartening conclusion: humans were demented. Even the rather intelligent ones. Going over the data again and again, Jarvis had thought for a while, being demented in a way those humans in the tower were, was related to being intelligent – or geniuses in the case of Sir and Bruce Banner. An in-depth research of YouTube and various channels all over the world discredited that idea incredibly outright, leaving Jarvis with the understanding humans, as a species, were demented. (He would never admit it, knowing his creator wouldn’t approve, but it did set the actions of Skynet in perspective.)

Clint Barton, a competent Shield agent, spy and assassin, grinned up at the Captain. “A Nutella and liver sausage sandwich.”

Steve Rogers stopped in his movements, bewilderment spreading over his features. “A what?”

“A sandwich. You know, bread and toppings stacked on each other in a-”

“I know what a sandwich is!”

“Then why did you ask?” Clint questioned, quizzically.

Jarvis knew for a fact that Agent Barton, even though he wasn’t on par with his Sir or Dr. Banner, was intelligent. He was quick witted, had an incredible comprehension and saw as much as the Black Widow – which was almost as much as Jarvis, something very few people could do. Observing him for the last couple months had shown Jarvis that he hid all of it behind his carefree exterior, acting childish and blankly as a way to downplay his competence – and for his own amusement.

“I didn’t…” Captain Rogers, who was getting better with not falling into the traps Clint laid out for him, still had to fight obvious annoyance. “What kind of sandwich? I thought you said-”

“Nutella and liver sausage of course!” At the expression of disbelieve and horror Steve displayed, Clint pretended, convincingly, surprise.

“You never had a Nutella and liver sausage sandwich?” The hint of pity in the archer’s voice was, as his creator would say, _fucking fantastic_ and lured the too trusting Captain into his downfall.

Jarvis had years prior decided to never interrupt human interaction if it wasn’t a direct threat to Sir. It wasn’t his place to prevent people from learning life lessons. (It also was quite amusing to him, as long as no one got seriously hurt. The worst that could happen in this scenario, based on his observations and data, would be the Captain getting sick and he estimated that probability under 5%.)

“No, I… is that a thing I… I mean…”

“Here, let me show you _why_ the future is great!” Clint walked over to the fridge, jovially, and prepared a second sandwich.

Steve sat down on the bar stool across from where Clint’s plate stood, eyeing the archer critically. It was one of his default flaws to trust people who had repeatedly betrayed him, as far as Jarvis could tell. (Over the years he had become quite skilled in spotting that pattern. It was one of Sir’s flaws as well.) There had been several incidents Clint had used the childlike innocence of the Captain against him and to his own amusement.

“Here.” Clint pushed the plate to the soldier, sitting down and taking a heartily bite out of his own. This, Jarvis knew, was not an act. Agent Barton enjoyed those sandwiches without company, too.

Sighing, as if he knew he was played, Captain Rogers took the sandwich and after a second of hesitation took a bite. He chewed, stopped and his facial features derailed in a way Jarvis hadn’t seen since the unfortunate Chocolate-Chilly-Cake-Incident (or as Sir, who had been in on the joke, referred to it: the CCCI).

Steve jumped from his chair, running to the trash can, retching until he got rid of the last bit of sandwich in his mouth. He followed that action up by rinsing it thoroughly. That in and off itself showed how much his mental health had improved since moving into the tower. Although he still loathed how wasteful the future was, he didn’t force himself anymore to eat dishes he disliked.

“Steve!” Clint’s indignation was presented with a deep frown, although Jarvis could detect several indicators that the agent was secretly laughing. It was met with an accusing glare from Steve.

“You just wasted a perfect sandwich.”

“You just defiled perfectly good food by-”

“Just because you can’t appreciate the fine-”

Agent Romanoff chose that moment to step foot out of the elevator, already sighing inaudible. She and Dr. Banner were the most sensible of the inhabitants of the tower. That had, to Jarvis knowledge, less to do with them actually being sensible and more to do with the other inhabitants being even less so.

“What did you do, Clint?”

“Why would you think I did anything?”

“It saves time.” Natasha deadpanned, not at all impressed with the false-betrayed look Clint shot her.

“Tony will appreciate my genius.”

“He won’t.”

“He will and I’m going to prove it to you.” Clint declared, confident, already moving towards the fridge.

“If you get even _near_ Tony with that thing, I will put you in the Hulk cage.” Steve growled, deep and threatening. One of the things that had endeared the Captain to Jarvis were the overprotective tendencies he showed towards Sir.

“He will think you’re trying to poison him and then he will never eat anything we give him ever again.”

“Come on Cap, I-”

“No. I mean it Clint.”

“I’m with Cap.”

Clint looked at Natasha with an expression of hurt and betrayal. This one was only partly exaggerated.

“Tony gets me! He-”

It was that very moment his creator stepped out of the elevator, not glancing at any of the other Avengers, rather mumbling to himself about the equations he planned to use next after his seventh coffee fix of the day. (Jarvis had decided he would make Captain Rogers work on that as soon as he had gotten Sir accustomed to a regular meal schedule and preferably after either of them confessed their feelings for the other in the hopes a lover would tempt him to sleep more often and longer. Jarvis, even though knowing the exact odds with all the possible variables, still chose to believe in miracles. At least as long as Tony Stark was involved in them.)

“Tony-”

“Clint, I warn you!”

“I have something you have to try. It’s-” Clint stepped closer to the fridge.

It was that moment that Steve charged Clint, bringing them both down. Natasha, who had – like Jarvis – predicted what would happen, stepped between them and Tony, making sure the genius was safe from the flying fists.

Steve, of course, was disproportionately stronger than Clint but the spy and assassin was nimble and knew the moves of the Captain.

Tony, who had finally looked up, gaped at his fighting team mates.

“What the hell is going on?” He asked, incredulously.

“Clint wanted to make you a sandwich. Steve saved you.” The Black Widow informed Sir, observing the fight with an expression of absolute boredom.

“Why?”

“Because-” Clint was interrupted when Steve finally manage to get him into a headlock.

“Nothing Tony, just don’t eat that-”

Clint jammed his elbow between Captain Rogers rips, slipping out of his hold and reach in one acrobatic move, jumping behind the counter.

“He just doesn’t have the fine palate we do.”

“I saw you eat Pizza out of a trash can.”

“It was still good!” Clint smiled, real emotions softening his edges when he looked at Sir.

“It was in the trash.”

“Whatever. I made Steve a sandwich and he didn’t even eat it.” Clint pouted, glancing at Sir.

“I tried it and I will never try anything you give me ever again!” Steve hissed, glaring at the archer.

No one in the kitchen reminded the Captain that he had said the same after the CCCI. And after the cherry incident as well as the memorable onion event.

“Tony will like it.”

“Tony isn’t sure he is brave enough to try it.” Sir said, a hint of mirth in his voice. He would never admit it, but he was still surprised when the other Avengers included him.

“What, Tony, would I ever betray you?” Clint asked, pushing his lower lip out.

“Absolutely.” Tony answered, dead serious.

Jarvis, as well as the others in the room knew, that Sir would try it. He was, in his own words, _a_ _Sucker™_ for all of them.

“Come on, Tony, please,” Clint begged. “Even Nat won’t back me up!”

“Fuck it, if I die today I won’t have to go to the shareholders meeting tomorrow.” Reaching out for Clint’s plate, Tony grabbed the sandwich and took a bite.

“Tony!” Steve exclaimed, his heartrate indicating that he actually did feel anxious.

Jarvis knew what his creator had survived better than even Colonel Rhodes. He wasn’t surprised that he chewed the sandwich without blinking an eye. He swallowed the bite, still looking relaxed.

“This is the most disgusting sandwich I have ever tried.”

“I told you so!” Steve cried, glaring at Clint.

“But he knows it isn’t a plot to poison him, don’t you?” Clint asked, ignoring Steve, although there was the slightest indication of unease in his posture.

“Yeah. You would never poison me.” Sir said, shrugging, while refilling his mug with coffee. He didn’t say that he predicted Agent Barton to shoot him with an arrow or kill him inside his workshop, making it look like an accident if it ever came to that scenario. Not that Jarvis would allow it. Sir didn’t believe it to be likely either, still he had a rather morbid understanding of planning for worst case scenarios.

“AHA!” Screamed the archer, triumphantly, pointing dramatically at the Captain.

“Your taste just sucks.”

The ensuing argument was, in Jarvis opinion, not noteworthy. It wasn’t much different to the numerous arguments the heroes had almost daily. In the beginning Jarvis had monitored everyone closely, making sure Sir wasn’t in any danger. Since then he had learned that the Avengers wouldn’t hurt him. They – much to the joy of Jarvis – had all started to love his creator and displayed highly protective behaviors regarding the genius.

It was quite fortunate for them indeed.


	2. Thor Odinson has a crying fit over a broken pop tart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor has a bad night. Tony tries to help... (and succeeds. Because sometimes tears mean happiness.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was mostly written for IzaRukia13. They commented on the other series that they wanted a chapter in which Tony took care of Thor. I hope this counts at least a little.
> 
> Please enjoy!

Due to the _Nightmares Suck Protocol_ Jarvis had to inform his creator that Thor Odinson was alone in the kitchen at 1:37am after having failed to fall asleep. It took Sir all of six minutes to shut down everything in the workshop and travel to the communal floor. Jarvis was often equally amazed and exasperated that Sir could forget to eat or sleep for days even though Jarvis reminded him regularly but was able to leave his work in minutes if one of his teammates were as much as slightly inconvenienced.

Jarvis was quite versed in reading and interpreting feelings that were displayed through verbal and nonverbal language. He had studied it in the beginning of his consciousness to understand his creator. Then he had studied it more when he realized the differences in people and how they expressed and concealed their emotions. After Obadiah Stane betrayed his Sir he had taken it upon himself to study human behavior and micro expressions even further.

One of his most interesting realizations was that it is far easier to read and work with the emotions of others than your own. Jarvis, although not human, experiences emotions. Arguably different when humans, he assumed, as he still has often a better handle on them, being able to focus on logic and pattern easier than his studies have shown humans can do. Still, sometimes, it’s impossible.

The subject that is able to make his superior intellectuality null and void is of course his creator, who, after almost sixteen hours of uninterrupted work – aside from the Captain stopping by and forcing Sir to eat dinner – stumbled into the elevator.

Tony Stark, as portrayed by the media is – depending of the day of the week – a megalomaniac who will take over the world sooner rather than later or a clueless idiot not being able to make a sensible decision if he only has one option to chose from. Every day of the week he is displayed as a playboy who doesn’t care about anyone but himself, using the Avengers to further his own ends because of his narcissistic tendencies.

Jarvis is not amused about it.

There have been more than a few occasions where he wanted to step in, discredit journalists, bankrupt media companies and set the view of the world right.

Sir had forbidden it.

He didn’t know about all the small misfortunes that happened to those who wronged his creator. Nothing too detectable. Credit cards stopped working. Viruses appearing on electrical devises. Mix-ups with official documents. Emails getting lost in the Spam or not being sent. Printers stopped working in critical moments. Almost unnoticeable inconveniences that could pile up to being an uncomfortable amount.

The only one who knew about this was Agent Romanov. She had found out while doing a background check on one especially persistent paparazzi and started to casually mention other discomforts Jarvis could construct without being found out. He felt safe to assume she approved of his actions. She had also shown Jarvis her retraction of her former recommendation for Iron Man and against Tony Stark. The Black Widow was harder to read than most humans, but by now she was an open book to Jarvis – who could also measure her blood pressure, heart rate, slightest enlargement of her pupils and other body tells. She showed him her appreciation for his creator openly – probably out of a clear understanding of her situation: She had wronged Sir and lived in a tower run by Jarvis.

Still, her fondness was real as far as Jarvis could tell. That had soothed some of the worry he had felt when his creator had asked those people who had believed the lies about Sir and mistreated him – aside from Dr. Banner who still could be a serious threat – to move in with him. Jarvis would never take free will from his creator, as he would never take Jarvis’ but in that moment, he had wished he could.

Months later he must confess, inviting the Avengers into Stark Tower had been one of Sir’s best ideas. The damaged individuals had become a family, caring deeply for each other and taking care of Sir in a way that improved his mental and physical health.

All this didn’t change the fact, that Jarvis wished Sir would go to bed. Of course, he was proud of his selfless creator, putting each and every one of his friends before himself. In all of this Sir would forget and burn himself out – not that Jarvis would allow it.

Or the Avengers.

“Point break.” Sir sauntered over to Thor, expertly hiding his exhaustion and worry. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Thor looked up, meeting Tony’s eyes with an expression between devastation and shame.

Sir’s step faltered for a heartbeat, before he let himself fall down on the bar stool opposite of Thor. He declared often and loudly that he was inept and disastrous in situations that required earnestness and emotional support. Jarvis knew that to be wrong. Once again, Sir proved it in this moment, without realizing it. (It could get quite frustrating, Jarvis had to admit.)

“Is it about your brother?” Sir’s voice was calm, understanding. To his obvious terror, new tears began to fall from the god’s eyes, before he nodded.

“You don’t have to be here, Anthony. I know you slaved your day away on one of your inventions. Take your rest. You don’t have to comfort me.” Thor’s voice was steady, bearing an old pain. He had talked to Jarvis too, admitting the same shame, worry, fear, guilt, hurt and helplessness he had when talking every other time, he had met Sir in the middle of the night, distraught about his brothers’ betrayals and crimes.

“I know.” Sir’s voice was light. Steady. His heartbeat was accelerating.

“I mean it, friend. He has greatly wronged your world and tried to control and murder you. I don’t-”

“Let me stop you right there. We’re been having this conversation too often already. You said he was controlled during New York. He is a victim, too.”

At that Thor started to cry in earnest. The proud warrior bowed his head in a way Jarvis had seen his creator do too many times, letting his tears fall freely – unlike Sir.

This wasn’t an uncommon reaction in this situation. Sir still had to brace himself, his worry to wrong his friend and discomfort showing in the hesitance, before moving around the counter in Thor-hugging-range, as he called it. Thor Odinson, everyone in the tower knew, was very physical in his displays of affection. And even though Sir had an issue with touch, he allowed the bigger man to enclose him in a bone-crushing hug (although Thor had only once bruised a rip of Sir and was much more careful since. That might or might not have something to do with the information Jarvis presented him with. And the talks Agent Romanov and Captain Rogers had with Thor after Jarvis accidentally let slip to them what had happened).

Jarvis couldn’t detect any signs of anxiety in Sir, closely watching his reactions. After a few moments, he even raised his arms, hugging Thor back. He started to murmur soothing words, patting his back. Focused on his task, Sir’s heartbeat slowed.

It took Thor almost ten minutes to calm down. He let go of Sir, who didn’t immediately retreat, instead waiting if Thor needed another hug, before he moved around the counter and setting a pod on the stove. This too, was routine by now – for almost everyone. Even though not everyone knew this to be a remnant of his human model, everyone in the tower knew – and loved – Sir’s hot chocolate.

While preparing the beverage, Sir looked over his shoulder, eyeing the god.

“Even if he wasn’t controlled, we can’t choose our family, can we? I have been hurt and betrayed by family before. It doesn’t change that you… care for them.”

Thor’s blue eyes narrowed, dangerously.

To Jarvis knowledge only Agent Romano knew what had happened when Sir became Iron Man. The others knew the strongly watered-down version that the public knew. Which meant only the barest of bones of what had actually happened.

“Whatever our family does, it’s not our fault.” Sir stopped for a second, as if he had to taste those words before deciding if he himself could actually believe it. “Whatever they did it doesn’t change that you are my friend and I want to help you.” He turned around, a warm smile on his lips, that very few people ever got to see. “I’m an engineer. It’s my job to fix things.”

The threatening countenance had slipped away (although Jarvis was certain Thor would pursue the history behind Sir’s experiences in the future), making room for awed appreciation and more tears. To Jarvis, everything indicated those to be an expression of gratefulness. To Sir, obviously visible in his expression and body language, it seemed to signal that he had done something terribly wrong.

Sir, in his desperation, looked into one of Jarvis cameras obviously conveying with his expression and the soundless _help_ that he wished assistance to – and Jarvis was sure he thought of himself as incapable and a failure – save the situation. Because Jarvis knew Thor to be relieved and thankful, he decided to let his creator handle the situation on his own. Ignoring the elevated heartrate of Sir and his shifting, Jarvis made the oven beep, reminding both men of the hot chocolate.

Sir turned around, busying himself with preparing the drinks and most likely hoping that Thor would calm down on his own.

Thor doesn’t understand why earthlings don’t share emotions as openly as he does and had long conversations with Jarvis about it, trying to understand why that is. It was the perfect opportunity for Jarvis to learn more about it, deducting that the broken individuals in the tower were even more closed off as the average human – and most of them weren’t that open either. Still, Thor learned to reign his emotions in a little, to lessen the discomfort of the others.

Sir returned to the island and pushed a gigantic mug of hot chocolate in the hands of the god, his shoulders relaxing when he saw that Thor had calmed down.

“Thank you, Anthony.” Thor beamed up at Sir, earnestness, gratitude, appreciation and affection plain and open on his features and in his eyes.

Sir squirmed in his chair, before nodding and taking a sip of his own, more modest sized, cup. If Jarvis was a human he would have huffed. Hot chocolate wasn’t a healthy meal but considering the little sustenance his creator had in the last 24 hours, he would have felt better if Sir would have a bigger portion of the beverage.

The silence between the men was comfortable, both Sir and Thor relaxing in the presence of the other.

“I thank you, my friend. It is a great honor to share the pain of a Shield Brother. You gifted me with your compassion and patience. Please allow me to show you the same respect and let me be there for you in your times of need.”

His creator smiled up at the god, warmth in his brown eyes. “Don’t worry, big guy, I didn’t do it for-”

“I know, Anthony. Still, I wish to repay you tenfold for everything you did for me. For all of us.”

The slight color that crept into Sir’s cheeks was the most obvious tell of his discomfort. The way he had gone rigid and avoided eye contact could also indicated other feelings, but the Avengers had learned to read Sir’s reactions for what they were. Most of them probably didn’t know why a man like Tony Stark, certified genius, who blew off awards with a laugh, telling the world press he didn’t need something catching dust to tell him he was the best thing since sliced bread, couldn’t accept the honest praise of a friend. That they started to see it and decided to praise him more for the things that were judged to be actually meaningful, like taking care of others, being thoughtful and supportive even in small matters – things Tony Stark always was, more so with people (and beings) he loved – was one of the reasons Jarvis indulged all of them in their requests, pranks and plans.

“Thanks, Point Break, really, but you don’t have to. After all, Starks are made of iron, so…”

“You’re human, aren’t you?” Thor asked, the bewilderment overdrawn in a way that made Sir smile just the slightest bit.

“It’s an expression and I know you know that. You can pull that innocence-crap with Cap, but I see right through you.” He huffed, without annoyance.

“If you’re human how can you be made out of iron?” Thor asked, ignoring Sir’s reprimand.

“Howard used to say it. Stark men are made of iron.” His creator answered, his gaze slipping to one of the dark corners of the kitchen, his expression carefully controlled.

“Your father?”

Sir looked back at Thor, before nodding once sharp. “Yes.” He took another drink of the hot chocolate. “Apparently that also applied to toddlers.”

“That is cruel.” There was no judgment in Thor’s voice, although Jarvis detected the slight increase in electrical energy around the god.

Sir didn’t comment, looking into his mug. Guessing by the set of his shoulders, he was berating himself for saying anything.

“You have a kinder heart than most beings I have met, Anthony. Showing your emotions to the world can only enrich it.”

The silence after that was thick and, as Jarvis detected, not uncomfortable per se, but there was a heavy quality to it. Although Thor had seen the way Sir had stiffened, he didn’t react to it, enjoying the hot chocolate, letting his gaze wander over Sir every few moments.

After a couple of minutes, Sir’s posture changed. He pushed himself of the chair and went over to the pantry-like hanging cabinets installed in the kitchen. Climbing on the kitchen counter, he started to rummage around in it, before he emerged with a package of limited edition frosted blue raspberry pop tarts.

Climbing down, he grabbed the toaster, setting both before Thor before plugging the toaster into the hidden outlet in the middle of the kitchen isle.

“I know you haven’t tried these yet.” He said, still avoiding to look in Thor’s eyes. “On earth its customary to push food on people who need… comfort.” Sir almost stumbled over the word, but managed to get it out in a rush. “Try them, I’m sure your godly status will protect you from both cancer and diabetes.”

Neither Sir nor Jarvis were surprised that Thor ate all but two of the pop tarts in the following hour, while telling grand tales of Asgard. All of them including Loki and himself during their youth.

One pop tart he made Sir eat as a show of his affection. Even though Jarvis knew what was in them, he couldn’t disapprove, seeing Thor as hopeful as he was and seeing Sir actually taking the token of appreciation even though he declared it a sugary abomination. (Although he would stop Thor from feeding his creator more.)

The last one Thor kept in the box, declaring to Sir in a voice that seemed oddly appropriate for such an occasion, he is going to hold it in honor, because his Shield Brother gifted it to him. Sir’s cheeks flushed again at the somber voice Thor stated it in.

Jarvis saw the way Sir’s lips opened, as if he wanted to protest it. Viewed objectively the situation was ridiculous. Thor, the crown prince of Asgard vowed to hold an almost inedible piece of food gifted by the billionaire Tony Stark in honor. Logically – and even the often-challenged logic of humans should be able to grasp that – it made no sense. Humans, Jarvis had learned, were illogical creatures.

The glint in his creator’s eyes when he observed Thor cradling the pop tart in his hand was nothing Jarvis could name, too many emotions mixing together. Still, it was more than obvious that Sir was touched by the gesture. He kept smiling to himself, occasionally shaking his head in disbelief while getting back to his floor and actually going to bed.

-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-

The next morning started rather eventful. Thor, well rested and enthusiastic, broke the pop tart when he grabbed it. Jarvis hypothesized that he wanted to take it down to breakfast with him, probably to boast to the other Avengers about the thoughtful gift Sir had bestowed him with.

The god of thunder reacted to that mishap in a way that must be viewed as appropriate in Asgard. He burst into tears, wailing the loss of his present.

This was how Captain Rogers found Thor 6.5 minutes later in the communal kitchen, clutching a broken pop tart to his chest. The Captain was understandably confused and unsettled. Thor’s only answer to any of his questions was that he needed to speak to Sir.

Taking pity on both the distraught god and the by now almost panicking super soldier, Jarvis took the liberty to inform Sir that Thor wanted to talk to him. (If he didn’t elaborate the state of Thor, then that was a bug in his system.)

As soon as his creator stepped onto the communal floor, he was greeted with an armful of sobbing god, crying in earnest about a broken pastry. (Jarvis might have taken a picture and send it to both Miss Potts and Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes. But no one would be able to prove it.)

It took Sir almost an hour to calm Thor down again, diffusing any of the god’s honor filled oaths that he wanted to seek forgiveness for the dishonor he brought upon himself. At the end of it, Thor declared Sir to be the best of man.

Jarvis had to agree.

Afterwards Sir spent half of the day designing and crafting an adamantium necklace and pedant in form of a pop tart. The painting took most of the afternoon, Sir insisting it had to be exactly right.

In contrast to his creator, Jarvis wasn’t at all surprised when presented with an unbreakable necklace and pendant looking exactly like a miniature blue raspberry pop tart, Thor started crying again, throwing his massive arms around Sir and holding him tight for almost fifteen minutes.

(Jarvis might have taken a picture of that too.)

(He also observed to his great delight that Thor presented the necklace to everyone in the tower – and judging by social media posts also to everyone outside of the tower.)

(The other Avengers weren’t envious, as they insisted. Still it seemed that especially Captain Rogers had some trouble holding his composure from time to time.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!
> 
> Kudos and Comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> The recipe for the hot chocolate is described in great detail in the Chapter 1 in the 5-times-series if anyone wants to try it :)


	3. Steve Rogers takes care of his teammates  - and enlists them to help if a certain genius doesn't want to eat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tries his best to take care of his teammates. Some of them are harder to care for than others.
> 
> Yes. It's Tony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of this was heavily inspired by a post of stuckonylove on Tumblr. Sadly I don't have the link, but visit their blog I really enjoy it :) 
> 
> Thanks for all the amazing comments and all the Kudos, you guys are amazing!
> 
> Enjoy

Taking care of the Avengers is a herculean task. Captain Rogers had taken it upon himself to do just that. Because of that Jarvis had heard him mutter to himself a couple of times that his job would be that much easier if he just had to defeat the villains and saving the world.

Jarvis had to agree.

Each Avenger presents their own challenge, even though they also present similar ones, too. For example, it’s almost impossible to get any of them to medical (not even Captain Rogers. It’s an equally amusing and frustrating thing to witness. All of them see the need for the others to go to. Neither of them understands why they should go themselves).

One of the simpler ways for Captain Rogers to take care of all of them (at least it had become simple after weeks of him forcing all of the others to partake) was the movie night on Thursdays. Jarvis could name every of the very rare occasions it was canceled or even one of the Avengers wasn’t present – of course he could do it he was an AI. In this instance he used this expression to convey how infrequent it was for any of them to not attend. (Sir had blown off more than dozens of meetings to be there. It had taken a few forced participations but he was quite fond of it now.)

Something else Captain Rogers did with a passion that could only be explained with the great depression he had to endure, was keeping his teammates well fed. It was easy with Agent Romanov and Agent Barton. They ate what they found, being appreciative if they didn’t have to do more than reheat it. Thor Odinson was happy to try anything and everything. Dr. Banner also liked to join Captain Rogers in preparing meals – a very happy coincidence most of the residents of the tower proclaimed. All of them agreed that Steve did his best (and had improved considerably) but still couldn’t reach Dr. Banner’s skill.

The one member of the team who proved to be a challenge in this regard was his creator, who, under the furious eyes of Dr. Banner and Captain Rogers, might admit that the human body needed comestibles, but wouldn’t stop his work to actually grant it to himself.

Captain Rogers used his remarkable planning skills and stubbornness to declare war to that particularly annoying habit of Sir. Jarvis, if he wasn’t explicitly forbidden to do so, liked to aid and abet the super soldier in his fight. There had been more than one occasion in which he had allowed the Captain entry to the workshop without asking first, told on his creator if he had skipped meals or betrayed his location to the concerned super soldier. If Jarvis was honest, he rather liked seeing the Steve Rogers taking care of his creator. He had also enlisted the other Avengers as well as Miss Potts and Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes to help him.

Miss Potts would drop by the workshop, or his office in the rare occasions Sir actually visited it, and bribing him with coffee if he ate the food she would bring with her. Success rate 45%.

Agent Barton would ambush Sir with sandwiches or finger food, sometimes chasing after him when he didn’t eat it. Success rate 15%. After one incident where both of them ended in medical, Agent Romanov and Captain Rogers set the rules that they weren’t allowed to use their weapons, the vents or food catapults. Now his success rate is very much depending on Sir’s mood, fluctuating between 5-35%.

Dr. Banner’s tactic varies from Sir’s mood, his mood and whether or not Sir has been pestering him about a project or not. In the understated way of his, the Doctor will either present Sir with his creation, not saying that he took the time out of his busy schedule to make something he knows Sir will enjoy but trusting that Sir knows it all the same. He does.

If Sir had pestered him about a project or experiment he makes Sir’s eating a requirement for it. As the good Doctor gets frequently lost in his own work too, his success rate fluctuates between 55-75%.

Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes, who fights this particularly battle even longer than Jarvis, has an unsurprising success rate of 80%. He will bring Sir one of his favorite meals, mostly Burgers, fries and chocolate milkshakes and if that and his presence is not enough incentive, he threatens to take his suit to Justin Hammer.

Agent Romanov uses a more straight forward approach. Whenever it’s her turn, she will take the meal and some sweets downstairs to Sir, glaring at him until he eats it or she has to leave due to a mission. Success rate 75%. (She is frequently called to missions as she is the best at recon. She also decided quite early that she will not go further than glaring. Jarvis and the Black Widow have an understanding about what she is allowed to do and what not.)

Thor Odinson, if allowed into the workshop, most often talks long enough for Sir to follow him up and enjoy a meal on the communal floor. As Sir often declines entry, the god only has a success rate of 35%.

Peter Parker, who not only holds a special place in Sir’s heart, only has to say he’s hungry for Sir to stop working and making sure the young man is set up with enough food to placate even his hunger. Whether they order in or go out to eat, Mr. Parker’s success rate is at the all-time high of 99%.

Captain Rogers, in the words of his creator, had deadly puppy dog eyes. If he didn’t push Sir too much and just looked like _a damn kicked puppy_ , Sir’s words again, he had a success rate of 80%.

It also helped that Captain Rogers, if push came to shove, could physically subdue Sir.

Of course, Jarvis would under no circumstances let anything happen to his creator and that included anyone forcing him to do anything against his will. Even without the protocols in place he would destroy whoever tried to deprive him of his freedom. He had sworn to himself to never allow it again. Exceptions were Miss Potts and Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes, at least in reasonable situations, like when Sir had to attend a meeting that wouldn’t harm him in any way no matter what he claimed.

One of the more memorable exceptions happened on a Monday night. Sir had been hit with a streak of exceptional genius (his words) and declined to rest or eat. After 41 hours Jarvis told Captain Rogers that Sir hadn’t eaten in the last 24 (it had been 37 hours if Jarvis ignored the chocolate bar that Agent Romanov had left behind during her last visit).

Immediately, Captain Rogers reheated some of the left-over pizza and made his way downstairs to the workshop. Jarvis took the liberty to letting the super soldier in, reducing the music by 70% to let his creator know that something was happening around him.

Sir, clad in oil stained clothes, looked up from where he was hunched over the engine of a machine he designed for Stark Industries.

“Steve, what are you doing here?” He asked, confusion coloring his voice.

“I wanted to bring you some food.” After their last fight the Captain had learned to keep the fact hidden that Jarvis informed him and that he was all but vibrating with the need to get some food into Sir before dragging him to bed – for sleeping.

“Oh, thanks, Cap, I’m not hungry. I just need to-”

“When was the last time you ate something, Tony?” There was an edge to his voice that could easily spark a fight, especially with how tired Sir already was.

“That…” Sir frowned, trying to remember. “What time is it?”

“Monday 6.24pm, Sir.” Jarvis supplied with an even tone, even though he wished he could sigh.

“Oh. Well, that explains it.” Sir shrugged. “I’m coming up as soon as I finish this. Promise.”

Captain Rogers had to visibly reign himself in, inhaling deeply before speaking again. “We both know that could be hours, Tony. I brought you pizza. Just…”

“Not right now, Cap. It’s sweet, it really is. You’re my hero, you are, but…” that was the moment Sir pressed a screwdriver between his teeth and his words became unintelligible.

Captain Rogers blushed, his heart rate elevating at Sir’s words a smile slowly forming on his lips before he frowned.

“You really need to sleep, Tony. Do you even know what you’re saying?”

“Hm?” Sir hummed, not really paying attention to the super soldier.

“That’s it.” Captain Rogers closed the distance to Sir, extracting the screwdriver from between his teeth and the other tools from his hands before dragging him away from the engine, not even bothering to acknowledge the confused look Sir through his way.

“You’re going to eat and you’re going to sleep and if I have to sit on you the whole time while you do it then so be it!” The annoyed man growled, glaring into Sir’s eyes.

“Oh yeah? Prove it soldier boy!” Sir growled back, all of his switches flipped at ones.

“Gladly.” With a move Captain Rogers had learned from the Black Widow, he kicked Sir’s legs from under him, catching him and pinning him to the floor in one swift action. Planting his knees to either side of Sir’s hips, he glared down, not being able to hide the furious blush that painted his cheeks crimson.

Sir gaped up at the Captain. “What the-” He started.

Captain Rogers, a stubborn glint in his eyes, grabbed a piece of pizza, holding it out for Tony to take. “Either you eat or I feed you. Your choice.”

The fact that his creator just stared up, not saying any of the innuendos even Jarvis came up with spoke as much of his exhaustion as it did for the genuine feelings Sir had for the other man.

“I don’t-”

“Feeding it is.” The super soldier placed the tip of the slice of pizza to Sir’s lips.

Sir opened his mouth, stunned. If his heartbeat elevated any further Jarvis would intervene. As of now, he let the situation play out as it was.

Pushing the slice farther in, Steve exhaled shakily. Still, he didn’t move.

Sir took a bite, the color in his cheeks darkening.

After finishing the first slice, Sir cleared his throat. “I’m pretty sure this counts as assault. Jarvis, are you recording this?” The words would have been more convincing if his voice didn’t sound so pleased.

“It can be counted as assault, Sir. Do you wish me to report it?”

Sir looked up, his pupils blown wide. The grin that spread over his lips was anything but innocent and still he didn’t say anything that he knew would make the Captain uncomfortable.

“Yes.”

Captain Rogers face remained stoic, his brows furrowed even though his pupils were as blown as Sir’s, his blush as strong as in the beginning.

“As you wish.” Jarvis took a photograph of the situation. Tony Stark lying on his back, face alight with happiness and other human emotions Jarvis was not to discuss after a rather awkward situation they had when he had been rather young. Steve Rogers sitting above him, almost straddling his hips, a glare and flush on his face, while his eyes still danced with deep emotions, holding a plate with pizza on it.

He sent it with the description _Sir is assaulted and wishes me to report it._ to both Miss Potts and Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes, using the alarm sequence to ensure both of them would be alerted to the message instantly.

Miss Potts reply of _Finally!_ was followed only seconds by the Colonels _Keep an eye on them Jay_.

“It seems your emergency contacts approve of the situation, Sir.”

“What?!?” Sir tried to push himself upright but was stopped by the Captain’s hand. “I’m being assaulted and they-”

Worry flickered over the Captains expression, his shoulders hunching in on himself. “I didn’t mean to… I just wanted…”

Sir looked up at the unsettled super soldier. As soon as he saw the man’s distress his features softened. “Calm down, Cap, I’m fine. I’m not saying what you did shouldn’t be discussed, but you would know if I was really upset.”

Jarvis disagreed. The Captain wouldn’t know anything, because he would still be unconscious.

“You should never under any circumstances do this kind of thing to anyone else, because then a law suit will be inevitable, but we’re friends. I know you wouldn’t do anything to me I’m uncomfortable with, would you?”

“No.” The Captain relaxed, even if Jarvis noticed that his smile was a little strained. “Of course not, Tony. I’m sorry.”

“I trust you.” Sir smiled up at the other man. “I’d still like to get up now.”

“Yes, I…” The blush on the soldier’s cheeks darkened again as he scrambled up. “I’m sorry.”

“Not the first time I got jumped.” Sir still laughed, sitting up himself and rubbing at his eyes. He missed the dark look in the Captain’s eyes at those words.

“Is there more pizza?” He yawned, the exhaustion finally settling in.

“I brought-”

“Upstairs, Sir.” Jarvis interrupted the rambling super soldier.

“Thanks, traitor.”

“As always a pleasure, Sir.”

After that Captain Rogers was able to motivate Sir to eat three more slices before helping Sir to his floor, where Sir smiled disarmingly at the other man. “I might clock you for it when I’m awake again, but… thanks.”

When the elevator doors closed between them, Captain Rogers slumped down, his heartbeat reaching dangerous levels even for the super soldier.

“Are you alright, Captain Rogers?” Jarvis asked, sympathy coloring his voice.

“What did I do, Jarvis? How could I…”

“Sir doesn’t seem to mind much. Although I have to inform you that if you would ever cross one of Sir’s boundaries, even if unintentional, I will step in.”

Captain Rogers face shot up, looking straight in one of his cameras. “Thank you.”

(Sir woke up roughly seven hours later, declaring what happened to be a dream. Jarvis didn’t correct him.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> If any of you have a prompt, drop it in the comments or come chat with me on Tumblr I'm queenofalorofdifferentworlds there also :)
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!


	4. Tony Stark almost has a heart attack. Totally unconnected: Spider Man gets stabbed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter gets stabbed. Tony is a teeny tiny bit worried about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to everyone of you amazing people!
> 
> Did I mention I love all your comments? Because I really do!
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter :)

If Jarvis had any way to help more, he would. The thundering heartbeat of his creator, far too fast for comfort, and his shuddering breaths were the only signs of his distress. Behind the mask no one aside from Jarvis saw his grim expression.

No one heard his almost soundless pleas.

8.76 minutes ago, Karen, the AI in Spider Man’s suit, had informed Jarvis that the suit had been breached.

8.7 minutes ago, Jarvis had informed Sir about the incident.

7.9 minutes ago, Sir had run out of the meeting with the board members, ignoring Miss Potts shouts.

6.6 minutes ago, Sir had asked Jarvis to inform Dr. Banner to prepare the Medbay.

4.3 minutes ago, Sir had suited up, shooting into the sky to the last known location of Mr. Parker.

Karen hadn’t transferred more data or responded to Jarvis in any way.

“How far?” Sir gritted out between his teeth.

“I estimate about 1 minute 37 seconds, Sir.”

“Fuck.”

Indeed.

“Get me there faster.”

Jarvis transferred 2.7% more power to the thrusters. They were in the middle of New York. Any more power and the possible collateral damage grew exponentially.

“Come on,” Sir whispered, pleadingly.

Their destination was a dark alley in one of the more run-down parts of Queens.

“Jarvis, scan.”

“Already on it, Sir.”

Sir didn’t stop in his momentum to look closer at the hooded figures, probably gang members, all of them broad shouldered. Jarvis would scan their faces if he had the chance and find out any- and everything there was to know about them.

Scanning the area, he located a signature of human warmth on the roof of the second building to their lift. Instead of telling his creator, he let the signature blink red on a map drawn up in an instant. When Jarvis had been new to his consciousness, he had been frustrated with the slow working mind of the human asking him to work faster. Now, he knew there was barely anyone who could think as fast and complicated as his Sir.

It takes him 2.5 seconds to see the light signal and follow it up to the roof.

“Kid?” Sir’s voice sounded worried, but nothing showed the sheer panic he had to feel based on his physical reactions.

Jarvis scanned the roof again, showing Sir that the heat signature was behind the exit from the stair case.

“Mr. Stark?” Peter Parker’s voice was a mixture of pain, hope and confusion.

Sir had already been moving, rushing around the corner to fall to his knees in front of the young man. Still not being able to get ahold on Karen, Jarvis had little to go on about the state Mr. Parker was in. He was curled up on the ground, blood pooling out of a wound he hid behind his hands pressing down on it.

“Shit, Kid, what happened.” Sir’s voice showed barely a hint of panic. His erratic heartbeat belied the calm he tried to project.

“I’m not…” Mr. Parker’s voice was breathy, as if he avoided to take deep breaths.

Sir made the micro movement with his eyes, indicating that he wanted Jarvis to slide up his mask. “Easy, Kid.” There was a smile in his voice, even if it was slightly wavering.

“I… they followed someone into the alley and I thought, I know social profiling is bad, I know, but they- and I followed them and they had knives and I jumped between them, you know because, you know why of course and I-” Mr. Parker hissed in pain when Sir tried to move his hands away.

“Sorry.” Sir mumbled, pressing down on the wound himself. Jarvis saw the shiver that ran through his body when the young man yelped in pain.

“The other… the other guy, the one I thought needed help, he stabbed me, I moved but I wasn’t fast enough and then one of the others pepper sprayed me and I…” Mr. Parker’s voice wavered. The most likely cause was pain, exhaustion and shock.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark. I didn’t-”

“It’s okay, Kid. I mean it isn’t. Not at all, but-” Sir inhaled forcefully. “You’ll be fine. I’ll take you back to the Tower and Bruce will patch you up. Good as new, alright?”

Spider Man nodded, a whimper escaping him when Sir took him into his arms, one hand still pressing down on the stab wound in his lower abdomen. Jarvis knew enough of the human anatomy to guess that a mere human would be in grave danger. Mr. Parker thankfully had an exhilarated healing factor, a fact that would save his life today ones again. At least it would aid in his swift recovery.

“You’ll be okay, Kid.” Sir pressed his cheek to the top of Spider Man’s head, a movement that Jarvis had observed many times, although he was sure Sir didn’t even realize it most of the time.

Letting the face plate slip into place again, Sir took off, Mr. Parker save in his arms. Each time a whimper escaped the young man’s lips, Sir would silently curse, trying in vain to ease the strain on him.

The return flight seemed to be much longer. That had several factors. For one, the suit could only use the thrusters on Sir’s feet. That meant not only reduced speed but also stability and as the last thing Mr. Parker needed right now were uncoordinated movements, they had to go slower.

Another factor was the bleeding wound reminding both Sir and Jarvis of the obvious time limit.

That the kid – like Sir liked to call him constantly – wasn’t able to hold back the hisses and whimpers. Jarvis supposed it must feel like almost an eternity to fly back – even if it was barely 10 minutes.

“Bruce?” Sir whispered when the Tower was already in sight.

“He is in the infirmary waiting for you.” Jarvis had taken the liberty to send him all information he had. Judging on earlier experiences Mr. Parker wouldn’t need much assistance aside from cleaning the wound, a bed to rest, food and fluids to completely heal.

Sir didn’t hesitate. As soon as he touched down on the landing pad he rushed forward, trying to not jostle the barely conscious man in his arms. He wasn’t all that successfully.

“What happened?” Dr. Banner asked as soon as Sir burst through the doors.

“He has been stabbed and pepper sprayed.” Sir put the almost unresponsive body on the bed, stepping back. He knew better than to get in Dr. Banner’s way. Although he always reminded the other Avengers that he hadn’t studied medicine, Dr. Banner was, as far as Jarvis was concerned, as good as if they didn’t need intensive care or surgeries.

“You might want to step out of the suit, Sir.” Jarvis reminded his creator, warmly. Sir was shivering and Jarvis knew it wouldn’t help to stay longer hidden than absolutely necessary.

He waited patiently until his Sir nodded, retracting the suit carefully. He would take it back to the workshop, cleaning it from the blood of Mr. Parker before Sir would see it again.

“Sit down, Tony, or I’ll have to put you in bed, too.” Dr. Banner threatened lightly, still working on Mr. Parker’s injury. He had already pulled him out of the suit, covering his lean body with a blanket.

“I’m fine.”

“Sure, you are. Sit down.” Dr. Banner nodded to the other side of Mr. Parker. He was already dressing the wound.

Grabbing one of the chairs lining the wall, Sir placed it beside Mr. Parker’s bed, sitting down. He hesitated before taking one of the boy’s hands in his own. His breathing and heartbeat slowly calmed down, even if it was still too elevated.

“How is he?”

“He’ll be fine in a couple of hours.” Dr. Banner took one syringe from the tray, before injecting the young man with the fluid, before he put the unresponsive body in a hospital gown and hooked him up to an infusion. The syringe was filled with pain medication strong enough to work on the fast working metabolism of both Spider Man and Captain America. The infusion was a glucose solution. Both would help his healing factor to do its work.

“Thank god.”

Dr. Banner looked up at the almost inaudible sigh. Sir’s shoulder slumped down, his head sinking forward.

“He’ll be okay.” Dr. Banner repeated, calmly. He stepped beside Tony, putting a hand to the pulse point on his throat. Sir didn’t react, knowing well that if he didn’t let his ‘science bro’ take his pulse like that, he would get the proper equipment. Jarvis had to confess, one of his most treasured memories (and videos he had shared with Miss Potts and Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes) was of Dr. Banner losing enough of his composure to turn slightly green and hunt Sir down when he refused to get treatment.

After that the Hulk had started to trap his ‘Tin Man’ whenever he had the chance before he could get away and Dr. Banner could give him the all clear. The whining and protests of Sir had been loud and plentiful – even if Jarvis knew that most of it was for show. Sir still didn’t believe others would care for him outside of the rare exceptions. Jarvis was not amused by that.

“I’ll give you something to relax.”

“I’m fine.”

“Sure, you are. Take it.” Bruce replied, unimpressed, handing Sir two pills and a glass of water that he had prepared as soon as he had finished preparing for the injured Mr. Parker.

Sir took both, too exhausted and railed up to fight his friend.

“He is going to be fine, Tony.”

Sir nodded, his eyes still trained on the sleeping form. “One day he won’t be.”

Dr. Banner sighed. His hand hovered for a second over Sir’s shoulder before he put it down, squeezing reassuringly. “That’s a risk he is willing to take.” It was said with an exasperation that wasn’t only meant for the injured man.

Sir’s eyes flickered up to Dr. Banner’s before going back to the sleeping teen. “I don’t give a fuck if it makes me a hypocrite, but I’m not willing to risk it with him.”

“I know.” Dr. Banner squeezed Sir’s shoulder again and there was surprise in his features when Sir leaned in to the touch and his side. (Jarvis didn’t understand how Dr. Banner was still surprised by it. Sir trusted him more than most people and that included most of the Avengers. Still, it warmed Jarvis’ servers to see the reverent in his face when he looked down on Sir who, in his vulnerability, looked for help in a person some people declared a mindless rage monster – or at least the host of one.)

“He’s just a kid and…”

“You can’t stop him, Tony.”

“No, I know.” Sir did know. He and Jarvis had tried a week to come up with a way to make him stop as soon as Sir had learned who was behind the mask. They hadn’t come up with anything. The best they could do was trying to keep him safe. Sir designed suits, gadgets and an AI to do just that. Jarvis regularly hacked into all of Mr. Parkers devices. Sir didn’t know about it.

“He’ll wake in about an hour and should eat then. Something healthy. Jarvis?” Dr. Banner looked up into one of his Camera’s, a smile on his lips. “Please order something to eat for Tony and Peter. Something with actual nutritional worth.”

“Of course, Dr. Banner. I took the liberty to order something for you, too.” He answered, warmth obvious in his voice. The surprised and almost shy smile was reward enough.

“Thank you, Jarvis.”

“My pleasure, Dr. Banner.”

“I’m going to shut down my lap properly. Are you okay here?”

Sir nodded, not looking up from Mr. Parker’s face.

As soon as the other genius left the room, Sir slumped forward, burring his face in the covers of the bed, exhaling harshly. Sitting back up, his eyes were glistening.

Jarvis didn’t comment.

39 minutes later, Peter Parker woke with a start. He most often did after being sedated.

“What?” He asked, looking around and meeting Sir’s eyes, as he looked up from his Stark Phone, one hand still holding onto Mr. Parker.

“Hey there Spiderling. Is naptime already over? I just started to enjoy it.”

“What… I… Oh no.” Mr. Parker patted on his side, hissing when he hit his injury.

“May is going to be pissed.”

“I am pissed.”

Mr. Parker looked up at Sir with big brown eyes widened in unease. “I’m sorry?”

“Did you just ask that?”

“No! I’m sorry, Mr. Stark. I didn’t want to interrupt-”

“That’s not what you should be sorry for!”

Mr. Parker bit down onto his lip, looking at Sir with convincing worry and guilt. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Yeah? Let me tell you, it didn’t work.”

“Well I didn’t mean to and next time…”

“Next time will be a while Kid, your suit is ruined.”

“WHAT?”

“Now I get a reaction!” Sir made a frustrated hand movement with just one hand, not letting go of Mr. Parker for even a second.

“What happened to the-”

“Don’t finish that sentence. No one gives a shit about the suit!”

“Karen is in it!” Mr. Parker shot back, his face set in a pout. “And you made it for me, of course I care about it!”

Sir had already opened his mouth to most likely tell him that Peter was a genius rivaling his own so he couldn’t actually mean that, when his mouth snapped shut before saying anything.

Jarvis was sure the emotion he had at that particular moment was the one humans got before they rolled their eyes.

“Don’t worry about it.” Sir’s voice was slightly rough. “I’ll make you a new one. One that isn’t as easy to stab through.”

“I don’t think it was easy.” Mr. Parker mused, sliding a little closer to Sir before laying back down. “The guy had to use a lot of force and one electrocuted me while I was stabbed so…”

“Excuse me?” Sir’s voice pitched higher at that.

“I’m not absolutely sure, I was also pepper sprayed so I couldn’t really see it, but either I was struck by lightning or they tasered me.”

“What the hell? Why didn’t you say so earlier?!?”

“I was in shock, I think.” Mr. Parker answered nonchalantly, smiling up at the older genius.

“You’re going to be the death of me, kid.” Tony sighed, his heartbeat still elevated after the new revelations.

“Never!” The young man’s voice was fierce as he glared at Sir. “Don’t say that, Mr. Stark! I would never…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but there was real pain in his face and voice now.

“Peter…” Sir started, obviously unsure how to proceed.

The first time Sir had mentioned to Jarvis that he feared he could be as bad I at parenting as his father had been, Jarvis had had to hold back a growl and a laugh. A growl because he had hacked the medical files of Sir, listened to his nightmares and rambles and knew probably more than any other individual knew about what Howard Stark had done to his son. He had almost laughed, because Sir was far too kind hearted to become anything like that.

Instead, he had suggested Sir to think about what his father would have done and just do the opposite. Right now, that was most likely one of those moments, as Sir hesitated a heartbeat, before pushing Peter a little to make enough room for him to lie down beside him, carefully enclosing him in a warm embrace.

(This is how Dr. Banner found them twelve minutes later, carrying containers with potato and vegetable-based dishes. Dr. Banner didn’t commend. He just handed them their food, sitting down on the empty chair, starting a discussion about an article he had read recently.)

(They called Mrs. Parker afterwards. She wasn’t impressed with either of them, making them both swear to be more careful. Miss Potts wasn’t impressed either, although she cuddled Mr. Parker close and told Tony to next time use his words.)

(Mr. Parker was healed the next morning. Sir had slept on the bed beside him. Jarvis had sent a picture of them both, tussled hair, both sleeping on their stomach and still facing each other to Mrs. Parker. She was delighted.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm a little impatient because I decided what I will write after this one in the MCU-Crack Fic series and it's going to be more intense... But I have to finish this first!
> 
> As always: your kudos and comments make my day :D


	5. One of Natasha Romanov’s hobbies is Knife-Ballet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Studying the Avengers, Jarvis has seen many memorable situations. Knife-Ballet, as Sir calls it, still is one of the more interesting hobbies he observed.

Natasha Romanov is one of the more interesting humans Jarvis had the pleasure to study. Putting that into perspective as he had the opportunity to study all of earths mightiest heroes it’s quite the statement. (He also _could_ study all of human kind that had a laptop, smartphone or other device connected to the internet. He wouldn’t. But he could.)

As Jarvis had thought to himself many times before, he was glad inviting the Avengers to live with them was one of Sir’s impulsive decisions that Jarvis had been wrong about. It had been a good idea. It didn’t always seem that way – especially to people not as knowledgeable about the individuals residing in the top floors – but all of them had profited from this arrangement. It was almost too understated to say that, even for him. The Avengers had become a tight knit family. Jarvis couldn’t be happier about it. Actually, there was one thing he still hoped for. If his estimates were correct – and they most often were even if he took the human factor into account – it would take at least another ten months.

In the meantime, he would be as (un-)helpful as he could be and take part in his hobby: studying the Avengers in their natural habitat and cataloguing all the changes in their behavior.

Clint Barton, one of the best spies and assassins Shield and the world had to offer, for example, was building a new nest in one of the vents that had been suspiciously spacey rebuild after the battle of New York. (Jarvis hadn’t known why Sir had decided to build a potential security issue into the new design until Agent Barton, on the second night he slept in the tower, had woken from a nightmare and crawled into the vents. It had taken Jarvis all of 1.3 seconds to reevaluate his file and all the other files Sir and he had hacked before realizing Sir had foreseen this.)

Agent Barton used the blankets and pillows that Jarvis ordered regularly – on Sir’s order. They were all weighted, fluffy and in atrocious colors. Just like Agent Barton liked them. By now, Jarvis knew the exact reason why The Hawk liked to build his nest, nestled into a corner far enough from the exit point to not be seen and close enough to be able to get out in three seconds flat. He knew the structure was stable and as far as Agent Barton was concerned, comfortable.

This new nest was located in the vent opening up in the right corner of Sir’s workshop. Before building it, the agent had thought about it, stroking the soft material of one of the blankets.

“Jay?” Agent Barton had taken to Sir’s nickname for Jarvis. At first it had been a way to annoy Sir, but after a couple of weeks the intonation had changed. It had become fond. In that moment it had been questioning, almost insecure.

“How may I help you, Agent Barton?”

“Do you think… Would Tony mind if I built my new nest in his workshop?”

“As long as you are not a distraction to Sir and won’t use anything you hear or see against him, I believe, Sir won’t mind.” If Sir didn’t find out.

“Okay.”

“You of course know, Agent Barton, that I will monitor you closely.”

“Don’t worry, Jay.” Agent Barton smiled up at one of his camera’s. “I know what you can do. No need to threaten me.” All his verbal and nonverbal clues indicated sincerity and a promise.

“Very well, I shall refrain from monologuing as I know you dislike it as much as Sir.”

“Jay, we all know that if you decide to rule the world, we will just be your army.”

“I would never go against Sir’s wishes.”

“If he goes dark side we’ll follow anyway.” The agent said, shrugging nonchalantly.

Jarvis believed him. Although he couldn’t see a way for his creator to ‘go dark side’. He was too kind, too caring for his own good.

That conversation had taken place several hours ago. Agent Barton had finished his nest and settled in, his eyes closed, but his breathing and tautness suggested that he was listening to Sir who was talking to Jarvis about the newest update on the Iron Man suit, Agent Romanov’s Widow Bite’s, Agent Barton’s arrows, a project he wanted to begin with Dr. Banner, dictating seven mails to R&D and cursing when he burned himself with the welding iron he used currently. All the while The Hawk relaxed, his breathing evened out and he fell asleep.

Thor, technically not a human, was almost as interesting as Agent Barton. In Sir’s words he was an overexcited puppy. Often, the god did resemble the excitement of a young child – be it human or otherwise. Especially when he and Peter Parker teamed up for activities such as video games. It was a sight to see the teenager and the god of thunder sitting side by side playing like children. Sir most often than not joined them. His posture always relaxed, his most often driven thoughts obviously calming at the display of happiness.

Steve Rogers, even if he was still puzzled by technology, had taken astonishingly well to Jarvis. After the first few weeks in which the Captain displayed plenty of different indicators that he felt uncomfortable and often wrong footed, he had squared his shoulders in an obvious ‘ready for battle’ and asked Jarvis politely if they could have a talk. Jarvis, of course, agreed. It had been around that time (four days earlier to be exact) that Sir and Captain Rogers had started to communicate in a sensible manner. Jarvis had no illusions that that was the reason why the Captain sought him out now.

“You are everywhere?” Captain Rogers had asked with a frown looking up at the ceiling.

“I’m in every room in the tower aside from the bathrooms, yes.” Technically, he had the possibility to be in them, but it was a last-resort if a person went in alone and didn’t come out or there were indicators that someone in them needed help.

“You… Do you record?” There was hesitation and dread in the question. Jarvis new _exactly_ why it was there and it was one of the reasons why he monitored the Captain as closely as Agent Romanov.

“Not if I’m not asked to record or a crime is permitted in which I start recording because of a previous set protocol to provide and secure evidence for an investigation.”

At that the Captain had gone pale. He of course was told that being homosexual wasn’t a crime anymore – and even if it had been, nothing he had done on his own behind closed doors in his bedroom would have been enough to convict him in court. Still, Jarvis felt sympathetic. He had seen the nightmares, too.

“To my knowledge you haven’t permitted a crime, Captain Rogers.” Jarvis reassured him, his voice calming.

“I’m…” The Captain stopped, exhaled and let his shoulder slump. “You’re not going to… to tell him?”

“As long as there is nothing that will or could hurt Sir there is a very strict protocol in place to let every person keep their secrets.” Jarvis hesitated for a second. “Your feelings are your own. I don’t presume to understand human emotion.” He did, at least as much as he could. “You haven’t done anything wrong, Captain.”

At that Captain Rogers slumped down even more. There was shame and guilt on his face, but also relieve.

“Tony would think differently.”

Sir would be surprised, yes, but Jarvis was certain after a moment of shock he’d be delighted.

“Might I advise to ask him?”

Aghast, Steve stared up at the ceiling. “No! God, no. I… He… No.”

“As you wish.”

After that Captain Rogers had warmed up to Jarvis. He started talking to him, asking for advice – never about Sir – and recommendations for books, movies, music and all things he wanted to catch up on. He never failed to thank Jarvis for his support and always asked if Jarvis had time. Jarvis had tried to explain to him, that he could do at least several hundred tasks at once if he wasn’t compromised or the amount of data was unusual high. The Captain still asked every time.

Dr. Banner was, as humans in the tower went, almost boring to observe. He had the same streak often found in Sir, an almost childlike wonder and energy to work on a project or experiment until it was solved. It was a pleasure to watch them working together. It was obvious to anyone how much both men enjoyed the company, the easy banter and being understood without having to explain themselves. Dr. Banner had taken to talking to Jarvis just like Sir did – just far more politely and less demanding.

When they worked together, they both would ask Jarvis to pitch ideas, run calculations and work with them. Jarvis knew what honor it was to be viewed as an equal by someone who at least in bits and pieces understood that he was not much more than a circuit board, however much he might feel.

The Hulk on the other hand was rather interesting. Jarvis had only met him ones in the tower. He had observed him through the suit each and every time he had fought alongside Sir, of course, but until now he had only interacted with him ones.

Dr. Banner had been startled, and searching in his file it had become obvious it had been a difficult day for him already, most likely haunted by memories, when he lost his composure. He had been able to keep it together to fling himself into the Hulk-Cage that had been his condition to move in the Tower.

As soon as the door had closed, the green colossus had broken free. It was obvious to Jarvis that the stance the Hulk moved into was one of protection, rather than attack.

“Mr. Hulk.”

A growl had been all his answer, low and threatening.

“Mr. Hulk, my name is Jarvis, I’m Mr. Stark’s… butler.”

The next growl wasn’t much more encouraging.

“Mr. Stark is Iron Man. You saved him before. I wanted to thank you for keeping him safe.” That was the truth. He had thanked Dr. Banner before, but the Hulk should hear it too. Also, it was the best approach he could come up with.

“Tin Man?” The rough voice asked, his posture not changing, but he had stopped growling.

“Yes, Tin Man.” Jarvis agreed. “You keep him safe. Thank you.”

The Hulk raised his head a little, confusion written over it in bold letters. “You… friend Tin Man?”

“Yes. Yes I am.” He was.

“Tin Man safe?”

“Yes, he is safe at the moment.” Right now, Sir was in his workshop, working with that little smile on his lips.

“Hulk… safe?” There was uncertainty in the voice. Jarvis would have almost thought it could be fear.

“Yes, you are safe, too. Dr. Banner was feeling unwell.”

“Afraid.” The Hulk growled.

“I think you are right.” Jarvis agreed, easily.

“Fight?”

“There is nothing to fight at the moment, I’m afraid.”

The Hulk looked around and his shoulders tensed anew. “Trapped.”

“Dr. Banner decided on this room to keep you safe.”

“Trapped.” The Hulk growled, almost frustrated.

“Sir… Tin Man has put things in here to entertain you.” Jarvis said, hoping the Hulk could be distracted.

“Tin Man?” The Hulk asked again and there was almost something like warmth in his voice.

“Yes.” Jarvis agreed. “I’ll let down a screen at the other side of the room, Mr. Hulk.” Following his words, a screen lowered down.

The Hulk didn’t react, just followed it with his eyes.

Sir had taken the time to talk with the Hulk whenever he could and theorized that Hulk could learn more than destroying property and enemies and not killing his allies. That’s why he had installed a home entertainment system in the Hulk Cage, and instructed Jarvis to find documentation for the Hulk. Jarvis had.

He played a documentation about coral reefs and the animals living there. At first the Hulk was obviously suspicious. Half an hour later he was sitting down, looking at the colorful fish moving over the screen. Jarvis had already explained to him that it was just a picture. The Hulk had touched the screen gingerly and looked behind it, declaring, the fish weren’t there. Jarvis had agreed with him.

An hour later Dr. Banner came back to himself. He finally allowed Jarvis to call for Sir, who abounded his project at ones, bundled Dr. Banner in blankets and set him down – for a documentation on dams.

Natasha Romanov still was the most fascinating of all of them. Jarvis had read everything he could dig up and hack. Sir had too, both of them aware of the Red Room and probably half of her assignments before she joined Shield and all of them after.

She was one if not the best at what she did judging by what Jarvis had seen, read and observed. She as well liked to study humans and their behavior. Jarvis was sure she could read her follow Avengers as well as Jarvis. She, too, had the habit of following them around if she saw indications there were hiding something. Very recently she had looked up a Mr. Hilfeager, who had an unsavory interest in Sir. They had met at a gala, Sir being his media-mask and not spending much thought on the man. Jarvis had observed it illegally. Not that he cared.

That night, Agent Romanov had hacked through Mr. Hilfeager’s life. When she finished, she had simply asked, “did I miss something, Jarvis?”

Jarvis had sent her two files she hadn’t found.

“Thank you.” After that, the Black Widow had gone out. Mr. Hilfeager moved the same week.

Another remnant of her past was her ballet dancing. Agent Romanov was graceful in her everyday movements, deadly so if she fought. Still, Jarvis was sure dancing was something that actually gave her pleasure. Even if her body and expression was still controlled while she danced, her eyes were brighter. Less guarded.

Sir had installed a ballet studio when he renovated the Tower, dropping off shoes and a white tutu for Agent Romanov in a pink box. She had stared first at the box and then at the content for several minutes with an almost unreadable face. Then she had come to a conclusion. She danced at least ones a week ever since. Aside from Sir and Jarvis no one had known of her dancing until one memorable Thursday afternoon.

This specific day she hadn’t decided to dance one of her ballet routines and rather combined it with her other training.

Sir called it Knife-Ballet. Jarvis didn’t call it anything. Most of the time.

While Sir had been stuck in a conference call, the other Avengers – minus Agent Romanov who had been ballet dancing while throwing knifes with an almost inhuman accuracy – had already gathered for the movie night, debating what they would order for dinner.

“Nat will want Turkish too, you know.” Agent Barton said almost threateningly while smiling. “Let’s just ask her. Jay, where is Nat?”

“She is currently training, Agent Barton.” Jarvis had never been told to not disclose her hobby to the other Avengers.

“Alone?” Captain Rogers asked with a frown. “Is she okay?”  
  
“Perfectly fine as far as I can tell, Captain Rogers.”

“Show us the feed, Jay!” Clint called, excitement on his face. “It’s something to see the Black Widow not holding back.”

The Avengers training was always recorded to be able to be viewed at a later time for evaluation. All Avengers had given written consent to that, including the exceptions of that rule. Ballet dancing wasn’t one of the exceptions.

For a split-second Jarvis thought about refusing but it would have brought up more questions. If Agent Romanov wouldn’t want them to know she would have told Jarvis or even included it as an exception. Sir knew after all and he would have been the only one that could make that addition.

“As you wish.” He played the life feed on the television in the living room where Thor, Dr. Banner, Agent Barton and Captain Rogers were sitting.

The screen was wide enough to show them both camera angles in the room capturing the elegant and deadly dance of Agent Romanov.

“Holy shit.” Agent Barton exclaimed, while the other men gaped at the display before them.

“I didn’t know we had a ballet studio.” Was all Dr. Banner said.

“Tony must have…” Captain Rogers started, but didn’t finish when Agent Romanov performed a perfect grand jeté while also throwing a knife dead center in one of the small targets hung all around the studio.

“That is a most unique fighting technique.” Thor said, excitement already in his eyes. “Are many trained in this?”

“Well… maybe other Widows…” Clint answered only half paying attention.

It was that moment that Sir – who had finally finished his call – stumbled into the studio, his eyes still fixed on his phone. Jarvis of course knew why. Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes had told him he would be here in two weeks and Sir wanted the help of Agent Romanov to get everyone out of the Tower for an evening. Sir wanted to confide in his _Rhodey-bear_ and didn’t feel comfortable doing so if the reason he wanted to do so was in said Tower.

Without context Jarvis mused, it must seem strange. On the other hand, Sir often bumped into doors, walls and other objects or humans when he was deep enough in thought.

Although that wasn’t the reason all of the men had gone rigid in the living room.

“Tony…” Captain Rogers exclaimed and there was fear in his voice. His heart rate picked up while his shoulders tensed visibly.

“Shit, Tony, look up, come on!” Clint urged, not as fearful but with an edge to his voice.

“Natasha would not harm her Shield Brother.” Thor smiled, confidently. He didn’t acknowledge the glances thrown at him form the side.

“Not by accident, no.” Bruce agreed, with a frown between his eyebrows.

Natasha, who had known Sir was approaching before he had opened the door, as Jarvis had noticed the barely visible movement of her head at that time, danced as if nothing had happened, throwing her last dagger at the target right behind Sir.

“NO!” Steve screamed, jumping out of his seat as if he could reach through the screen and protect Sir.

Agent Barton had jumped up as well. Dr. Banner had gone rigid.

The knife impaled the bull’s eye, missing Sir’s cheek by mere millimeters. At the breath of air, he looked up and met the Black Widows gleaming eyes.

“Nat!” He exclaimed in what could have been misunderstood as worry – and all Avengers in the living room tensed further.

Agent Romanov didn’t say a word, just stepped forward grabbing his wrist and swirled him.

Tony Stark had had dance lesson from an early age. Nothing as ‘feminine’ as ballet but he was versed in all forms of classical dance. He also was graceful if he wished to be.

Without hesitance, Sir let himself be dragged into the dance, filling the ‘female’ role of it without a pause.

The stunned silence in the living room was interrupted by Sir’s laughter, relaxed and carefree. Agent Romanov smiled, happy and content.

The men watching were transfixed at the sight of two of their more closed off and serious teammates enjoying themselves in an easy manner like this.

The pair in the ballet studio, unaware of their audience, kept dancing like they had done a few times already, enjoying the music, the familiarity of the dance moves, each other’s company and talent. (Jarvis knew this because Sir and the Black Widow had told him so. Even if not in that many words.)

All of them were startled when Natasha joined Tony’s laughter. Her eyes were dancing as much as her body, red locks swinging in the movements.

“Are they…” Captain Rogers asked, a mixture of pain, dread and guilt splashed over his features.

“No.” Was the answer Agent Barton, Dr. Banner, Thor and Jarvis all gave at the same time.

“Oh. Okay.” The super soldier exhaled.

Neither of the men stopped watching while Sir and Agent Romanov kept dancing. When the music ended, Jarvis informed them that the other Avengers were already in the living room for movie night and asked if they would like Turkish take out.

“Sure.” Sir smiled, more relaxed when he had been in seventeen days. “See you in twenty minutes, Red.” He said, leaving, while Agent Romanov started to remove her ballet shoes.

Jarvis cut the feed and silently observed the silent Avengers in the living room.

“I didn’t know he could dance like that.” Clint muttered, breaking the silence.

“He must be taught as a kid.” Dr. Banner mused. He glanced at the Captain, who still stared at the blank screen.

“Probably. The rich are weird, I tell you.” Clint let himself fall back onto the couch, eyeing the Captain for a moment before he tugged him back onto the couch.

“It’s decided, right? We’re eating Turkish tonight?”

(When Agent Romanov set foot into the living room thirty minutes later she almost immediately knew something was up. It took her about a minute to figure out what probably happened. She waited until Sir joined them a second later, declaring they would watch Dirty Dancing.)

(Aside from Sir, who was making popcorn at the time, all male Avengers flinched. Agent Romanov seemed to be pleased.)

(After the movie Agent Romanov suggested Captain Rogers and Sir replay certain movie moments. Sir laughed. Captain Rogers blushed. Agent Romanov smiled.)

(Jarvis knew there was a reason she had become one of his favorites.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	6. Tony Stark needs a fulltime bodyguard – Iron Man ain’t cutting it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony has a black eye and the Avengers go full protective mode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your amazing comments! 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter :)

There was a reason that at least one of the Avengers was around Sir at all times whenever they could manage. And it wasn't his stunning charm, as Sir liked to claim (at least not for all of them). It all started 153 days after the other Avengers had moved into the Tower, when Sir had entered the communal kitchen with a prominent black eye and all Avengers present had inhaled sharply.

“What happened?” Captain Rogers demanded with an edge to his voice that Jarvis would classify as almost dangerous.

“What?” Sir looked at his teammates, all of them tense. (Jarvis didn’t know how long it would have taken his creator – who could think faster than most of humanity 90% of the time – to realize what the issue was at the moment. He guessed 23 seconds.)

“You’re eye, genius.” Agent Barton quipped, although his tense shoulders belied his light tone.

“Oh that. It’s nothing.” Sir said, shrugging unconcerned.

“Doesn’t look like nothing.” Captain Rogers almost growled, already moving into Sir’s personal space.

“Geez, Cap, it’s nothing.” Sir batted Captain Roger’s hands aside, pointedly stepping around him towards the most important machine in the kitchen (in Sir’s words): the coffee maker.

“Come here, sweet nectar of life.” Sir cooed at the machine, ignoring the tense atmosphere around him.

Captain Rogers, whose expression was a mixture between deep concern and anger (a feeling Sir inspired in most of his loved ones now and again, Jarvis included) took a step forward, but was stopped by Agent Romanov shaking her head. Noiselessly, she slipped from her chair placing herself right behind Sir, waiting for him to turn.

Taking the first sip, Sir hummed, happily, carefully turning around and raising an eyebrow at the Black Widow. “What can I do for you, Nat?” Jarvis knew that Sir hadn’t heard her, but by now he knew the behavior of the other Avengers good enough to know they wouldn’t let it slide, even if he wished they would.

“What happened?” Agent Romanov asked, her voice calm and controlled, her gaze settling on the dark bruise.

“Nothing at all, red.” Sir smiled, serenity obvious in his voice and expression. These battles of calm and cool that Sir and Agent Romanov liked to fight could last for weeks. As they were accompanied by Agent Barton and Captain Rogers at the moment, it wouldn’t.

“Bullshit.” Agent Barton singsonged while the Captain huffed.

“It’s not nothing, Tony! It looks like someone used your face as a punching bag!”

“There is no reason to defame my good looks, Rogers, thank you.” Sir said, haughtily.

“You know I-” The Captain started, but Agent Romanov interrupted him.

“We’re not going to get distracted, kotenok.”

Sir glared at Agent Romanov, obviously displeased by her nickname. She had started to call him _kitten_ last week and he wasn’t sure yet, if it was an insult or a sign of affection. (Jarvis knew it was a sign of affection. And a way to annoy him.)

“I hope you’re happy being disappointed then.” Stepping around her, Sir headed in the direction of the elevator. Captain Rogers moved to follow, but Agent Barton held him back.

“Clint.”

Agent Barton stood up at ones, nodding at Agent Romanov and left.

“What-” Captain Rogers started, but was once again interrupted by the Black Widow.

“If Tony doesn’t want to talk nothing short of drugs, blackmail or torture will make him talk.”

“NAT!” The Captain exclaimed horrified. The spy didn’t even blink.

“And even then, we can’t be sure he is going to tell us the truth.”

“What…” The super soldier starred at his teammate as if he saw her for the first time. That at least should distract him from the information Agent Romanov so readily revealed. She knew more than most about what had happened to Sir in the _care_ of the Ten Rings and she knew about some of the other kidnappings he had endured. Captain Rogers, to Jarvis knowledge, had read the harshly adjusted file that Shield had about the incident. There was barely any viable information left in it.

The assassin fixed her green eyes on the super soldier, determination edged in her features. “We’re going to observe, Steve. We’ll find out what happened.” She promised with a dark edge to it. “And we’ll make them pay.”

If Jarvis could have smiled, he would have in this moment. This was going to be interesting.

Agent Barton had started his shift already. He sat in the vent that opened into Sir’s workshop. The Hawk could sit motionless for hours if he was on the job. Judging by the way he remained like this in the vent for almost five hours Jarvis concluded that he took this observation extraordinarily seriously.

He left his post when Dr. Banner, who had been asked by Agent Romanov to look after Sir, came into the workshop, taking first a look at the bruise (he pushed a healing creme in his hand and glared at Sir until he applied it on his eye) and discussed a theory for an experiment for almost four hours, when Jarvis informed them, that dinner had arrived.

Dr. Banner successfully coaxed Sir upstairs with the promises of Sushi and Japanese side dishes.

Sir pointedly ignored both Captain Roger’s glances, being his charming (obnoxious) self without regard to the worry of his roommates.

Captain Rogers, who had many talents, wasn’t practiced in the art of the long game, especially when it came to Sir (since then he had become better. He was far from good, but he could hold out longer).

“We just want to help, Tony. We-”

“Thanks, Cap, I really appreciate the sentiment, I do. But there is nothing to help with.”

That actually was debatable in Jarvis’ understanding.

“Whoever-”

“No one hit me, Steve. Seriously, do you think I’m that incompetent?” There was a hint of real anger now in Sir’s voice. Some of his insecurities shining through, even if only Jarvis (and maybe Agent Romanov) saw them in the reaction.

“No! That’s why I- we’re so worried! You should be able to fight back, to protect yourself! Why didn’t you?”

The way Sir’s eyes flashed at that was a warning to everyone but the soldier, who probably didn’t know that, in his wish to help, he had dug himself a rather deep grave already.

“Steve-” Dr. Banner tried to intervene, but Captain Rogers didn’t listen.

“Either you couldn’t or you let it happen and whichever-”

“It’s none of your business.” Sir stood up, a calm mask hiding any and all of his emotions. “And even if it does not apply in this situation, because _nothing happened_ you should probably google victim shaming before our next call, Captain.” He turned on the spot and left, ignoring Agent Barton and Dr. Banner calling his name.

“Why did you do that?” Agent Barton turned to the Captain, a frown on his face.

Before the soldier could answer, Agent Romanov held up a hand and looked at said soldier, her expression dangerously calm.

“Google victim shaming. Then step back.”

“What?” Captain Rogers was still angry, still worried and frustrated. He pressed his lips together when the Black Widow glared at him. Lesser men would have run.

“I told you. We can’t make him talk if he doesn’t want to talk. A quiet Tony Stark is either hurt or planning something. Either way it’s dangerous. Right now, you’re painting a target on yourself, Steve.”

“I’m not afraid of Tony!”

Agent Romanov opened her mouth, but this time, Steve didn’t let her speak.

“He would never hurt me. He wouldn’t hurt any of us!”

“No.” Bruce agreed, his eyes calm and contemplative. “But he still could and would make us suffer if we go too far. Am I right Jarvis?”

“I’m afraid so, Dr. Banner. Please rest assured that Sir is yet to activate any of his protocols.”

“He has protocols in place for that?” Agent Barton asked with a mixture of discomfort (wise) and approval (not so much).

“Of course. Sir is thorough in his protocols.” There was a protocol for almost any situation. Amongst other things if Jarvis decided to rule humanity (it was a paper file Sir hadn’t shown him), if Sir decided to rule humanity (it was a file on Jarvis servers he wasn’t to show to him in which he had 47 strategies to stop Sir (and ideas to go against his coding to help him still)) and if Miss Potts decided to rule humanity (the last one was a file with one note in it: long live the queen).

“Should we be worried?” Bruce asked, not at all worried.

“As of right now I assess the possibility of Sir activating one of said protocols around 25%.”

“That’s a no, right?” Agent Barton asked with a thoughtful expression.

“I would advise against provoking Sir into engaging them, Agent Barton. Sir can be creative if he wishes to be.”

“Jarvis?”

“Yes, Captain Rogers?”

“Do you know what happened?”

“I do.”

“Can you tell us?”

“I’m sorry. That information is confidential.”

“Should we be worrying?” That question was asked neutrally, but the eyes of Agent Romanov were rather expressive.

This was a tricky question. The reason why his creator was hurt wasn’t particularly dangerous but still a constant threat. If he considered the question in general it got even more complicated. Jarvis would wish for these humans to care for Sir. But he still wasn’t sure he could trust them fully. Also, Sir wouldn’t appreciate it in the least.

“Who else is freaked out by Jay’s silence?” Agent Barton asked, his hand raised in the air.

“The incident wasn’t life threatening.”

“Life threatening?” Captain Rogers asked panicked, while Agent Barton patted his arm.

“No, he said _not_ life threatening. You need to listen to-”

“Jarvis, please!” Heartrate, breathing, voice and all the other indicators showed that the super soldier was in real distress. “I need to- we need to know how we can help Tony.”

All the while, Sir was sitting in his workshop muttering about stupid super soldiers and nosy spies.

“Sir?”

“What?”

“Captain Rogers is in distress.”

“What? Why?” Sir looked up from the calculations he was running.

“He fears for your safety. As do the other Avengers.”

“You know it was nothing!”

“They only want to help you, Sir.”

“I don’t need help.” Sir growled, glaring at one of his cameras.

Jarvis had waited for the opening, playing an audio file from sixteen days ago. “ _It’s okay, Cap. We all need help sometimes._ ”

Sir froze in his movement; his eyes widened in surprise.

“That was a rather wise piece of advice, Sir.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Likewise, Sir.”

The billionaire slumped down in his chair, kicking at the table leg. “But I really don’t need help! Nothing happened.”

“They don’t know that, do they, Sir?”

“It’s stupid.”

“I think you declared it a side effect of pure genius.”

“Sometimes I really wish I hadn’t programmed all the sass into you.”

“I learned from the best, Sir.”

The smile that danced over Sir’s lips was small but all the more real for it. “They are really concerned?”

“Agent Barton and Dr. Banner are currently trying to talk Captain Rogers out of coming down here to demand an answer.”

“And Nat?”

“I believe she tries to not strangle any of them, Sir.”

“Fuck.” Sir groaned.

Pushing himself up from the chair, he walked to the elevator, entering it when Jarvis opened the door.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you had just stopped me.”

“Yes, because you always listen to my advice.”

His creator grumbled something incomprehensible which was either a curse or an excuse. Or both.

When the elevator opened on the communal floor, the loud voices stopped and all of the present Avengers turned to look at Sir.

“I ran into a door, okay?” Sir spat at them, his shoulders tense.

“What?”

“You heard me, Cap. I ran into a door thus the black eye. Can we all ignore it now and-”

“You don’t have to lie.”

“What?” Sir looked uncomprehendingly at Captain Rogers, whose expression had changed to one of deep worry and forced calm.

“I’m not lying. I was up in my office; got an idea and forgot I wasn’t in my workshop. I wasn’t looking and ran into the door frame.”

“How could you not be looking?” The Black Widow asked, her forehead wrinkled in thought.

“As I said, I just had an idea. It’s a side effect of genius. Ask Brucie-bear.”

All eyes landed on Dr. Banner who didn’t seem to appreciate it in the least.

“I bump into doors and tables occasionally, but Tony, your face…”

“Is gorgeous, I know.”

“If that was a door you must have been running.”

At that Captain Rogers concern was back full force, watching Sir with a pleading expression.

“Fuck. Jay, show the clip. I know you’re keeping those.”

“Just for scientific reasons.” Jarvis kept them as black mail material.

“If all of you would move to the living room, I’ll be happy to show you the video of the incident.”

The other Avengers glanced at Sir, probably calculating how high the chances were that the video was staged.

As soon as all of them were standing in the living room, Jarvis played the 5 second situation in which Tony Stark sat at his desk, furiously tapping on his laptop when he abruptly jumped up, exclaimed “Of course!” and ran straight into the door frame of his office door.

Sir, whose cheeks was painted in a red color, hid his face behind his hand. “That looked even stupider when I feared.”

“Does this happen often?” Dr. Banner asked, obviously guessing the answer.

“No.” Sir answered while Jarvis said “Yes”.

“Who believes Jarvis and thinks Tony is a lying liar that lies?” Agent Barton asked, raising his hand as high as he could waving it encouragingly.

“Shut up birdbrain!”

“Will do when you stop running into doors.” The spy said gleefully, draping an arm over Sir’s shoulder. Sir didn’t react adverse to it, rather glaring at the other man.

“Did you hurt anything else?” Captain Rogers asked calmly, even though his heartrate was still elevated.

“No. It was just an accident, nothing-”

“You could have given yourself a concussion.”

“Brucy, please, my head is harder than that, I-”

“How often?”

The men quieted at Agent Romanov’s question.

“Um…”

“My data shows-”

“Mute!”

Jarvis fell silent. He wasn’t surprised.

“It’s not often. Don’t worry about it.”

“It doesn’t happen often or it’s mostly not visible?” The Black Widow asked while taking a step forward.

Jarvis was sure that if it weren’t for Sir’s pride and Hawkeye’s arm over his shoulder, he would have taken a step back.

“I… It’s not that often.”

“What’s the comparative value?”

Sir looked at Dr. Banner as if he had just betrayed him. “You too, Brutus?”

The other scientist shrugged. “I know how often I run into things. I just don’t bruise.”

At that Captain Rogers expression of worry mixed with desperation intensified.

“Mostly it’s just small bruises. I get them in the suit, too, it’s not like-”

“You get hurt in the suit?” Captain Rogers asked with a fearful hint in his voice.

“Sure, it’s basically a metal armor. There is not much space for padding material.” Sir shrugged unconcerned.

Dr. Banner of course knew the suit better than the others and had, on occasions, assisted with deeper scrapes and cuts. Agent Romanov and Barton must have guessed it. Captain Rogers was always concerned when Iron Man took a hit, trying to get Sir to medical, still he must have believed the platitudes Sir had fed him to some extent if he actually was surprised (and dismayed). All the nonverbal clues indicated it.

“How many bruises do you have currently?” Agent Romanov asked, ending the silence that had stretched between them.

“I’m not going to answer that and if anyone tries to get me naked they either have to sleep with me or I’m going to file a sexual harassment claim. It’s going to be interesting to be on the other side of them for ones.” Sir didn’t have nearly as many of them as most people would believe and all of them had been proven wrong. Even at the hight of his playboy days Sir had been irrevocable in his believe in freely given consent. In contrast to that there had been quite a few situations in which that courtesy had not been given to Sir. Jarvis still had all of them on file – even if he had been ordered to destroy them. Repeatedly.

“Bruce, you’re his doctor. Get him.” Agent Barton said, gesturing at the other scientist.

“I’m not-”

“Yeah, no one believes that. Go on.”

At that Sir stepped out of the half-embrace Agent Barton had held him in, a mask of neutrality slipped into place again. Before he could say anything Agent Romanov spoke up, her eyes intently trained on Sir’s.

“You are uninjured?”

“Yes, damnit!”

“I believe you.”

“How gracious of you.” Underlying the sarcasm was a slither of real anger.

“Forgive us for being concerned.”

At that Sir stopped for a heartbeat. His eyes flickered over all of his teammates, before he shrugged, apparently unaffected. “Whatever.” He turned around and headed towards the elevator.

The only reason he reached it uninterrupted was the death glare Agent Romanov sent Captain Rogers. Both Agent Barton and Dr. Banner were sensible enough to not dismiss the decision of the Black Widow and rather wait for her explanation. (Although Jarvis suspected Dr. Banner could guess almost as correctly what they had to do if they wanted to do anything about Sir.)

The Captain waited long enough for the elevator display to tell them Sir was descending towards his workshop. “Why did you do that, Nat? He-”

“He will only lash out if we push.”

“So what are we supposed to do?” Anger and frustration vibrated in his voice. Still obvious was the concern behind it. “We just let him hurt himself until-”

“No.” The spy looked at all of them one by one, her face set in an expression that dared anyone to contradict her. “We’re going to split bodyguard duty as much as we can. We’re making sure he is not killing himself by accident.”

Thus, the _Genius-Alert_ - _Protocol_ was enacted. The involved parties (Captain Rogers, Agent Romanov, Agent Barton, Dr. Banner and Thor when he joined his teammates) were to try to schedule their time in a manner that one of them was close to Sir at all times. They set parameters to predict when Sir was in need of closer supervision. (Jarvis didn’t believe his support in formulating the parameters was a topic that Sir needed to know about. He also didn’t need to know that he conspired with the involved parties behind his back to alert them whenever he noticed an increased erratic behavior.)

They all developed different strategies to accomplish their goal.

Dr. Banner would spend a little more time in Sir’s workshop or invite him to his lab, trying hard to not be swept up in the science himself. (What Dr. Banner didn’t know: the other Avengers minus Sir set a similar Protocol for him. Jarvis was to alert one of them whenever he displayed an increased erratic behavior – which seldom happened without Sir’s involvement.)

On his second shift Dr. Banner stopped Sir from stabbing himself with a screwdriver and caught him when he stumbled over a discarded machine part and almost hit his head on a table.

Agent Barton would either sit in a vent, listening in and heading out to stop Sir by pretending he planned a prank or shadowed Sir when he was outside of his workshop.

On his fourth shift Agent Barton jumped out of the vent when Jarvis informed him that Sir, sleep deprived and exhausted, tried to weld and almost set himself on fire. The Agent frog marched Sir into the living room whining he was bored. He made popcorn and forced Sir on the couch where he fell asleep before the archer even started the movie.

Agent Romanov shadowed Sir outside of the tower as often as she could.

On her first shift she discouraged an overeager paparazzi and stopped Sir from falling down a set of stairs when he came up with a new product line.

Thor’s strength wasn’t subtlety. He often approached Sir head on, asking him questions until either he had distracted the genius or he had found his answer, in which cases Thor walked with him, making sure he wouldn’t run into anything.

On Thor’s third shift Sir had solved a problem while making coffee and almost scalded his whole arm which Thor had prevented by pulling him back in the last second. When Sir almost ran into another doorframe he had grabbed Sir around the waste and carried him into the workshop.

Captain Rogers declared to Sir that the workshop had the best lighting and he spend a lot of time there sketching. (He did this regardless whether or not Jarvis had informed him of a Code _manic genius_.)

On his seventh shift Captain Rogers stopped Sir from being crushed under a car he had been upgrading.

(It took Sir nineteen days to realize what happened. He had been on the phone with Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes describing the behavior of the other Avengers when it clicked. The ensuing spluttering (Sir) and long and persistent laughter (the Colonel) stopped when Steve came into the workshop. Instead of kicking him out, the genius didn’t say a word.)

(Sir ranted now and again about how the other Avengers stalked him but when it got unmistakable that he had less accidents and therefore only injuries that came from fighting in the Iron Man suit or because of unavoidable workshop accidents (Sir’s words. Jarvis had to agree with the Avengers that most of them could have been avoided with proper attire) his protests quieted down. That was also thanks to the significant realization of Sir that the other Avengers didn’t trust him less in the armor or outside of it.)

(Jarvis was just happy that he wasn’t the sole bodyguard of Sir anymore.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Your Kudos and Comments are always appreciated!


	7. Post Battle Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers shouldn't make decisions post battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone :)
> 
> This is a very short chapter. I got the idea from a post of spidernerd26 on Tumblr. I don't have the link, but its hilarious! Check out their blog!
> 
> Enjoy :)

The last mission, in the humble opinion of Jarvis, could have gone better. Leaving aside that the trans dimensional ostriches had been a rather laborious undertake, Sir had lost almost the whole of Saturday which he had planned to spend with Mr. Parker.

Jarvis knew how much these times meant to Sir and it pained him to see the resigned look on his creator’s face.

Right now, the Avengers sat in one of the conference rooms of the Tower, some of them still covered in the substance the ostriches had thrown up when they were scared. Mr. Parker had joined them fifteen minutes ago, placing a cardboard box beside him when he let himself fall in the empty chair beside Sir.

Captain Rogers, who looked as exhausted as the other Avengers finally slumped a little in his chair, looking up at his teammates. “Alright, that’s it for today. Is there anything anyone would like to say?”

Mr. Parker leaned forward in his chair, raising his hand, which elicited a heartfelt groan from Agent Barton and Sir.

“Yes, Peter?”

“Thank you.” Mr. Parker stood up, appearing to be nervous which got the attention of all of the Avengers. The teen wasn’t an official Avenger yet but there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that he would become one after he turned eighteen. (Jarvis knew that Sir had written him into his will. If Mr. Parker wished too, he would inherit half of Sir’s shares of Stark Industries).

“I would… I would like to make a proposal to the team. I believe it will make the Avengers team better and I hope to gain your support and approval.”

At that all of the adults (by law) seemed a mixture of intrigued (Agent Barton) and mildly concerned (Captain Rogers).

Sir, who by now was beaming, leaned over to Dr. Banner, whispering loud enough for all to hear: “Taught him everything he knows about business persuasion and marketing.”

Dr. Banner glanced at him, an eyebrow raised. “You know what this is about?”

“Nope, but the Spiderling is brilliant. I’m sure it’s a good idea.”

At that Mr. Parker blushed a deep crimson. Still, he squared his shoulders, picking up the cardboard box and placing it on the table. There was a barely audible rustle coming from it.

“Still think he is brilliant?” Agent Barton asked, eyeing the box with a childlike enthusiasm that Jarvis knew, could lead either to a day filled with games or laughter or a manhunt trough the Tower after one of his pranks inevitably backfired.

“He is brilliant.” Sir empathized. The micro blink he made was indicator enough for Jarvis to know he thought about all of his ideas that – like some of Agent Barton’s pranks – went south in spectacular ways.

“I found this squirrel injured in the park and have been taking care of her. I would like to suggest she becomes the official Avengers mascot.” He opened the lid of the box revealing a small grey squirrel with a tiny red cast on his left forepaw.

Sir, whose expression suggested he would _die on this hill_ – as he would say it – let a small groan slip between his lips.

“Hah!” Clint cheered, scarring the small rodent that tugged herself closer to its savior.

“That’s… I’m not sure this is official Avengers business, Peter.” Captain Rogers smiled, obviously unsure how to proceed.

“I second the young Stark’s proposal!” Thor boomed, before turning to Mr. Parker. “Caring for the wounded is a noble thing to do.”

The young man beamed at the god.

“I third.” Agent Barton leaned forward holding his hand out to the small animal. “We can take him with us on missions!”

Captain Rogers, who looked at his teammates with a mixture of baffled disbelief and resignation exhaled. “In that case… All in favor of adopting this… squirrel… raise your hand.”

Both Mr. Parker and Thor immediately raised their hands. Agent Barton, sporting a sly smile, raised his almost as fast. Dr. Banner, his eyes set on the small rodent followed. Agent Romanov, who had her eyes set on the dumbfounded expressions of Sir and Captain Rogers, raised her hand with an expressionless mask. (Jarvis suspected she was laughing on the inside.)

“Yeah!” The young superhero reached out and let the squirrel climb up his arm before he started petting it with careful movements.

Captain Rogers exhaled again, this time even more exhausted. “The squirrel stays then.”

“What do we call the vermin?” Though the words were harsh, and his expression wasn’t much better, fondness colored Sir’s voice.

“She should have a strong and noble name like the Valkyries of Asgard!” Thor declared, enthusiastically.

“Exactly! She’s a fighter that’s why I named her after the strongest women that I know! I would like to introduce you to Natasha May Pepper.”

Agent Romanov almost choked on the sip of water she had just tried to drink.

“There, there Nat.” Agent Barton patted her on the back. “She will never take your place.”

“She does look fierce.” Dr. Banner murmured with a mildly mocking smile.

“Jay.”

“Sir?”

“Send that snippet to Pepper, would you?”

“Of course, Sir.”

“Perfect.”

(Natasha May Pepper lived in the Tower for exactly 47 minutes. That was the time it took Miss Potts to leave her meeting, see the video clip and find the Avengers sitting around Peter, Thor and Agent Barton playing with the squirrel.)

(Miss Potts pulled some strings and arranged for the squirrel to live in Central Park Zoo. Thor, Agent Barton and Peter visited her there twice a week until she healed.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments!


	8. Hide and Seek Assassin Edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one got surprisingly plot heavy - which means it actually has something akin to plot...
> 
> Have fun!
> 
> One warning though: mentioning of Tony being a sugar daddy to the Avengers and him being accused of demanding compensation for founding the Avengers. Don't worry, said Avengers get pretty pissed about it!

Panting, Agent Barton looked over his shoulder, almost hitting his other shoulder on the doorframe.

“Fuck.” He hissed, throwing himself around a corner, narrowly ducking the dagger thrown his way.

“You will never get me alive!” Agent Barton screamed at the top of his lungs, flinging himself down two flights of stairs without any care for his breakable human body. Landing in a crouch, he pushed himself up and resumed running.

His pursuer followed him over the banister, landing in the same spot mere seconds later with an almost inhuman grace.

“Shit.” He pushed through a door, ducking around two people in suits. When he heard the stairwell door fall shut he let himself fall flat to the floor. Two daggers flew over his head in quick succession, burring themselves into the wall he just stood before.

Crawling with an incredible speed, Agent Barton saved himself behind another corner.

“Jay?”

“Yes, Agent Barton?”

“Is there _anything_ you can do to help me?” He hissed, already running again, dodging employees of Stark Industries, who, as soon as they saw him, jumped to the side.

Some days Jarvis didn’t remember what he did when it had been only him and Sir. Of course, Sir was able to keep even Jarvis busy. And there had been Miss Potts and Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes but they couldn’t come close to even one of the Avengers and their… individuality.

“I’m afraid the situation-”

“Come on man, I’m dying here!”

“Agent Barton, you know-”

“FUCK!” Hawkeye screamed as the hilt of a blade connected with his shoulder. He increased his speed, jumping on a table and using the momentum to propel himself forward. Landing on the floor, he rolled himself behind a door, kicking it shut. He scrambled forward, running towards a window.

“Those windows can’t be opened, Ag-”

“Shit.” The Agent hissed, heartfelt. He turned, his eyes as wild as his heartbeat.

His pursuer had gained while Agent Barton thought of a strategy to get away.

“Fuck it.” He grabbed a desk chair and lifted it over his head when the door was kicked open, the lock splintering.

The Black Widow stood in the door, her expression closed off and dangerous.

“Nat, I can explain.” Agent Barton held up his hands, moving backwards slowly.

“You can’t.”

“I’m sorry, I am! I didn’t-”

“You didn’t _know_? Is that what you wanted to say?” Agent Romanov hissed, taking a step closer to her teammate.

“I wasn’t thinking.”

“I noticed.” The petite woman growled. Agent Barton tried to back away farther, hitting the glass wall with his back.

“Might I remind you, Agent Romanov, that Sir has forbidden murder in the Tower?”

“That’s a law!” Agent Barton yelled, glancing at one of Jarvis’ cameras before he resumed his careful watch of the Black Widow.

“I’m sure he will make an exception.”

“I fear he will not, Agent.”

The moment she averted her eyes to look at another of his cameras Agent Barton grabbed the chair again and smashed it into the glass wall behind him that separated the two offices.

Sir did also have a policy about property damage that wasn’t absolutely necessary. Necessity in this instance was defined as the best or only option to save a life. Be it your own or that of another person. Jarvis was almost 100% certain this wasn’t applying in this situation.

The smile that spread Agent Romanov’s lips was a clear indicator she had hoped for this development. There was no other reason Jarvis could come up with why she wouldn’t have taken the other spy down the second she’d seen him. She wouldn’t have taken her eyes off of him. Not even for a second.

“I believe he just violated one of Tony’s rules, didn’t he?” The spy asked, mildly.

“He did.” (Jarvis didn’t mention that so had she.)

“You better inform him about this, Jarvis.”

“As you wish, Agent Romanov.”

“I do.” Agent Romanov whispered, an angelic smile on her face. (Sir, eloquent as ever, called it her super-murdery-smile. Time had proven him right – even if the name left much to be desired.)

Grabbing another one of her daggers, she stormed after Agent Barton. Apparently to execute him. (The fifteen seconds head start Agent Romanov had granted her teammate was – as far as Jarvis was concerned – not an action of fairness but a way to increase her enjoyment in the hunt.)

There was a good reason why Jarvis did not intervene or inform Captain Rogers. This was the sixth time since the Avengers moved in that something like this occurred. Sir had named it _hide and seek assassin edition_. (And issued a code of conduct to his frightened employees after the second occurrence.)

While Agent Romanov followed Agent Barton through accounting (it was rather easy, she just had to follow the path of baffled or afraid looking people) Jarvis tried to inform his creator about what was happening.

“Sir?”

There was no answer. Jarvis hadn’t really expected one. Sir was standing in front of a hologram glaring at the numbers that wouldn’t add up. He was _in the zone_ as he would put it and short of an Avengers Alarm not much would be able to get his attention.

Jarvis tried it nonetheless.

“Sir? Agent Romanov wishes me to inform you that Agent Barton violated the ‘ _no more property damage if it isn’t life or death or so help me rule_ ’.”

Sir’s only reaction was a wordless grunt that could mean anything from ‘that is unfortunate’ to ‘this number still doesn’t add up’. Jarvis suspected it was an unconscious try of Sir to stop the voice talking to him.

“Sir?”

When his creator didn’t so much as blink, Jarvis gave up and let him be. He would come out of his concentration sooner or later (later if Captain Rogers wouldn’t intervene) and then he would inform him about the newest victim of Agent Barton’s exuberance.

By now the male part of the spy twins had rescued himself inside a vent, climbing up a rather narrow shaft. If he continued this direction he would most likely get out on the cafeteria floor.

Agent Romanov had been distracted by a false lead he had left behind and was now standing in front of the vent Hawkeye had used a few minutes ago, obviously contemplating to follow him through the vents or planning another strategy.

Coming to a conclusion, she turned on the spot and rushed down the hall towards the stairs. While she jumped from platform to platform Agent Barton exited the vents near the elevator on the 12th floor.

Not wasting a second of his time, he ran to the elevator, pressing the button insistently.

“Come on, come on.” He murmured, throwing a glance over his shoulder.

As soon as the doors opened, he jumped in.

“Sorry, pal, Avengers business.” He said to the man standing in the elevator as he pushed him out the doors and pressed the button for the gym-floor that only the Avengers were allowed to enter.

“Hey!” The employee, Mr. Turner from legal, tried to protest, but the doors already closed in his face.

This actually was another violation of Sir’s rules. It was explicitly stated in the ‘ _don’t bother the minions’ rule_ ’ that the employees of Stark Industries were not to inconvenience if not for an important reason such as an Alien Attack. If there was a question whether or not a reason was important Captain Rogers, Dr. Banner or Jarvis himself were to be asked for judgment. (Miss Potts had revoked Sir’s right to judge after he decided an important reason was himself getting a coffee.)

Agent Romanov still continued her acrobatic decent through the Tower while the annoyed Mr. Turner informed Miss Potts assistant of the situation.

At the same time, Agent Barton pushed open the doors to the preferred gym of the Avengers.

“Thor!”

The god looked up from the weights Sir had designed for him and Captain Rogers.

“Shield brother, what happened?” He asked, concern coloring his voice. He put the barbells down, turning towards his distressed friend.

“You need to help me!”

“Of course, I shall stand beside you and-”

“Nat is-”

“You are on your own.”

“What?” Agent Barton came to stand in front of the god, glaring up at him. “You’re abandoning me? I thought Asgardians had honor!”

“We have. We also aren’t stupid.” Thor crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I am not going to stand between my friends.”

“Come on, you need to help me!”

“No.”

“You’re just afraid of Nat!”

“As I should be.” Thor agreed, amiable. “She will forgive you if-”

“Why do you think _I_ did anything?” One of earth's mightiest hero’s pouted.

“My apologies. Did you do something?”

Agent Barton wisely refused to answer.

Thor nodded, still smiling to himself. “In that case.” He picked the weights up again, continuing his training.

“Traitor!”

Meanwhile Agent Romanov had reached Sir’s workshop level. Taking a deep breath, she went to the keypad on the door and entered the Avengers-Emergency-Code (a violation of the ‘ _emergency means at least a supervillain damnit rule_ ’).

It was still kind of new for her to be allowed entrance into Sir’s safe haven. It was the only reason Jarvis allowed the intrusion (and because he was interested what was going on. He only knew that eleven minutes ago Agent Barton had flat out run into the tower and up the stairs, Agent Romanov following him closely).

“Tony?” Agent Romanov called out the minute she stepped inside, making her steps purposefully audible.

Sir was still standing in front of the hologram not noticing the world around him.

“Tony?” She tried again, rustling her clothes and knocking on tables while she walked closer.

Sir didn’t acknowledge her in the slightest.

“Earth to Tony?” She reached out to touch Sir’s shoulder and hesitated before she let her hand fall back to her side. Instead she stepped around him, intentionally moving inside his field of vision.

It took his creator – one of the smartest people on the planet – almost a minute to see her.

When he finally realized someone was standing just outside his personal space he reeled back. “Fuck, Nat, warn a guy!”

The Black Widow raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. “Clint is on the run.”

Still pressing a hand to his chest, Sir looked up into her green eyes.

“On the run like a foreign government is trying to capture him, on the run like someone wants to sharpen their claws on him or on the run like he fucked up?”

“Last one.”

“Shit.”

Agent Romanov’s lips stretched into her super-murdery-smile and Sir sighed deeply.

“What has he done?”

“He smashed a glass wall on the 7th floor.”

“Was that before or after he started running?”

“After.”

“Of course.” Sir let himself sink in his chair, working his temples with circular movements of his index fingers. “Why are you here then? I know you don’t want me to tell you where he is.”

“I want to form an alliance.”

“An alliance?”

“I’m sure he is with Thor at the moment.”

Actually, Agent Barton was hiding in a vent, tracking Captain Rogers phone, but he had just left Thor in the gym.

“Thor isn’t stupid enough to get involved.”

“He isn’t.”

Sir looked up at that, smiling his sarcastic half smile that most people mistook as arrogance. “You do know I’m a certified genius.”

“A petty certified genius.” Agent Romanov agreed, amiably.

“What reason would I have to be petty?” Sir asked, nonchalantly.

“He told a paparazzo fifteen minutes ago the reason we were out for breakfast on a weekday was because _no one can get anything done as long as mom and dad don’t stop mooning over each other_.”

“ _WHAT!?!_ ” Sir screeched, jumping up from his chair, already seething. “Jay, damage control!”

“On it, Sir.” Jarvis had water proof protocols to find any and all mentions of his creators in the world wide web, but as of now, no one had mentioned him or the Avengers in this context in resent news. Expanding the parameters, he started an additional search.

“Do you know who the guy was?” Sir growled, his hands balled into tight fists.

“No, but I can give you a description and his license plate number.”

All the while Agent Barton had located Captain Rogers on his floor and used the freight elevator to the communal floor before switching to the vents which he used to get to the private quarters of the other Avenger.

“Steve!” He yelled as soon as he jumped out of the vents, making said super soldier twitch enough to ruin his sketch (as it was the eight sketch of Sir he had made that day Jarvis thought it wasn’t that much of a loss – even if Sir’s smile in that particular work was beautifully soft).

“Clint!” Captain Rogers let the sketch pad and charcoal fall to the table and stormed into his living room where said Agent was wringing his hands.

“I didn’t hear an alarm! What-”

“I need your help!”

“Of course! What-”

“You can’t ask any questions, but Nat can’t find me!” Agent Barton made a sharp gesture when the Captain opened his mouth to presumably ask a question. “Actually, I think she already got to Tony, so he can’t fine me either.”

“Got to Tony? What-”

“You know that people make mistakes, right?”

A crease formed between the soldier’s eyebrows and something akin to unease settled in his expression.

“You know I can’t be taken seriously-”

“Of course, you can be-”

“Not helping here, Cap. It was just a slip, I swear and I didn’t know it was her chocolate-”

“Oh god!”

“I really can’t be held responsible! It is actually her fault if I think about it! She made me take her out for breakfast so-”

“You ate her chocolate!?!”

“I mostly paid for that already but yeah, I need help.”

“I- you-” Captain Rogers stammered, before he caught himself. “Wait. What did you let slip?”

“Totally unrelating to everything.”

“Then why did she go to Tony?” The soldier asked, suspiciously. His hands flexed at his side as if he wanted to reach for his shield.

“I might have mentioned something that I think we all will be able to laugh about.”

“What?”

“Nothing confidential. Hell, I think _everyone_ knows about it. Almost everyone.” He conceded with a contemplating expression.

“Clint!”

At that moment three things happened simultaneously. Pepper Potts finished a phone call and her assistant stepped into her office to tell her about what happened in the Tower. Jarvis found an online article that was published 3.5 seconds ago mentioning Hawkeye disclosing information about ‘ _mom and dad of the Avengers_ ’. Dr. Banner stepped into the elevator and asked Jarvis to see Sir.

“Sir.” Jarvis put the article up on one of the screens in the workshop. “An article was just posted.” He had taken the liberty to highlight the sentence that would sooth Sir and enrage everyone else.

_Hawkeye, who had left a Café with a disgruntled Black Widow revealed that there is agitation between the Avengers. “Mom and Dad are fighting, again.” The superhero said. “As long as the mooning doesn’t stop we can’t work together.” We are left to assume that Stark and Natasha Romanov either are (or were?) in a relationship and Stark blundered it or he tries to get into a relationship with the female spy and superhero and can’t take no for an answer._

The article continued with speculations and slander of Sir (something Jarvis would take care off – possibly with the help of Agent Romanov) but neither he nor the assassin read as far.

While the Black Widow’s expression clouded in a way that wasn’t very promising for the archer or the reporter, Sir visibly relaxed.

“Oh, thank god.”

The spy sent Sir a sharp look. “What?”

“This could be so much worse.” Sir smiled at her, his relief diminishing when he saw her fury. “I’m sorry you got dragged into this but it’s much… easier to deal with when the alternative.”

Agent Romanov kept glaring at him.

“We can just ignore it.”

When she kept glaring, Sir offered another solution he thought she wanted to hear. As often when it came to himself, Sir didn’t realize what the actual issue was, of course.

“Okay, we can also make a statement we never were in a relationship or that you rejected me, if you-”

“That’s not the problem here, Tony!”

“What’s the problem then?” Dr. Banner entered the lap, picking up on the charged atmosphere, his eyes already reading the highlighted section of the newspaper. “Oh.”

Sir looked at the other genius, still not grasping why both of his teammates were so upset. “Come on guys, it’s not that bad. Last week-” Before he could mention the _horrid_ peace of news trash (on an unrelated note, that printing company was fighting a lawsuit right now), Agent Romanov interrupted him harshly.

“They putting the blame solely on you, Tony.”

“Yeah?”

“If we were in a relationship and we were fighting it wouldn’t be solely your fault.”

Sir looked confused at that and if Jarvis had to guess there were several layers to that confusion. Most likely he believed it would be his fault, as he had been taught from an early age. He also probably couldn’t fathom anyone he had as much respect for as Agent Romanov even wanted to be mentioned to be in a relationship with him (case in point in his understanding were the few weeks of an almost relationship with Miss Potts that they broke off before it could actually start). And last but not least, Sir had accepted years ago that the press would paint him as an irresponsible playboy on his good days and a warmongering Merchant of Death on his not so good days.

“Did Clint say that?” Dr. Banner’s expression had darkened in the silence.

“No.”

“But he did say something?”

“Yes.”

As the protocol dictated, Jarvis had sent the article to the public relations team of the Avengers, who, after a quick glance, informed Miss Potts, who was currently confirming with Jarvis that the glass wall would be replaced by Tuesday. (Jarvis could be almost as petty as his creator, so he increased the volume of the sound when the email of the public relations team landed in her inbox).

On one of the top floors Thor had just stepped into his shower, while a floor above him Captain Rogers was evidently trying to not strangle Agent Barton for telling what he thought to be a delicate information.

“Why would you even say that?”

“Sorry, dad.” Agent Barton hung his head. Judging by his vitals and tone he was feeling guilty.

“That’s not the point and you know it!”

The Avengers called Sir and Captain Rogers mom and dad for a while now and even though both men protested loudly against those nicknames Jarvis knew they secretly liked it. One aspect of that was because it implied they were in a relationship. As Captain Rogers was fairly new to a time where his preferences weren’t illegal (and he – to Jarvis knowledge – didn’t know Sir identified himself as bisexual) and neither of them had yet realized that the other had similar feelings, the thought that these nicknames could be outed to the world understandably unsettled the super soldier.

(The fact that not one of the Tower’s residents even thought of the possibility that _anyone_ wouldn’t immediately know that these nicknames referred to Captain America and Iron Man was a circumstance Jarvis would keep safe on his servers.)

“I wasn’t thinking. After last night-”

“It was a normal movie night!”

“He fell asleep on your shoulder and I’m 100% certain that you don’t remember a single thing about the movie we watched.”

Captain Rogers blushed at that, trying – and failing – to keep the glare in place. “That’s beside the point! You-”

It was that moment Miss Potts read the highlighted sentence in the article. Her eyes flashed dangerously at the defamation of Sir. (Miss Potts would always have a special place in Jarvis heart. She was as fiercely protective of Sir as Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes and he himself. The Avengers were getting there, but these two had been at Sir’s side for a long time. In Colonel Rhodes case even longer than Jarvis himself. He would always be grateful for that.)

“Where is he, Jarvis?” Miss Potts voice was sharpened steel. Hard and cutting.

“Agent Barton is currently on Captain Rogers floor, Miss Potts.”

More anger flashed over her face. “Where is Natasha?”

“Agent Romanov is in Sir’s workshop with him and Dr. Banner.”

“Was she hunting Barton when he broke the glass wall?”

“That’s correct, Miss Potts.”

“Tell her to meet me in the elevator.”

Without another word Miss Potts stormed out of her office, ignoring her assistant when she called after her about the next meeting.

“Agent Romanov?” Jarvis asked in the workshop, interrupting Sir’s rambling why it was okay that the media portrait him like they did.

“Yes, Jarvis?” Her voice was calm, even if her posture and expression was tense and battle ready.

“Miss Potts asks you to meet her in the elevator.”

“On my way.” She turned on her heels, determination edged into her eyes.

“What? Wait! Nat what are you-” Sir called out with a hint of desperation, hurrying after her.

Dr. Banner, who looked a little green around the edges, closed his eyes, breathing in a soothing manner.

The doors opened and both Agent Romanov and Sir joined Miss Potts in the elevator. The women shared a look, both of them nodding in agreement without saying a word.

“Wait, no! What just happened. Pep, come on, this wasn’t my fault, I-”

“Of course, it wasn’t your fault, Tony.” Miss Pott’s voice was colder than ice, her eyes darkened by anger.

“Oh that…” Sir didn’t finish his sentence, his eyes wandering between the fierce women. “That’s good.” He murmured. His heartbeat and breathing were slightly elevated and he displayed most of his nonverbal clues for being stressed, but thankfully, he wasn’t panicking.

Jarvis opened the doors on Captain Rogers floor, where said Captain and Agent Barton were still arguing but stopped dead when they saw the expression of Miss Potts and Agent Romanov. (Captain Rogers gaze actually stayed on Sir, visibly concerned to notice the stress.)

Agent Barton froze in his movement. He noticed the change in the Black Widows demeanor. Where before she had been angry but playful, now she was furious. The same went for Miss Potts without saying.

“What happened?” He asked, his voice carefully controlled with just the slightest sliver of unease.

“Jarvis.” Miss Potts ordered and Jarvis pulled the highlighted article up on the television screen.

Both Captain Rogers and Agent Barton turned to read the passage, their shoulders tensing.

“Fuck.” The spy turned to Sir, his expression unguarded and miserable. “I’m sorry, Tony.”

“What? No, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine!” The Captain growled. “This is…” A light blush grazed his cheeks before his eyes flashed with new anger. “It’s defamation!”

“Don’t worry, Cap. It’s hardly the worst they have written about me this week.”

That, regrettably, was correct. Still, Jarvis was glad he wasn’t the only one… dissatisfied with the situation.

“What?” Agent Romanov growled, her eyes piercing Sir’s who just shrugged.

“It’s what most people think anyway. It’s not a big deal.”

Contrary to his creator Jarvis was hardly surprised when that statement elicited growls of anger and frustration. Miss Potts of course knew about this. She had fought for years to at least somewhat improve the public image of Sir. With little to no results.

“Tony this is bullshit!” Agent Barton pointed an accusing finger to the screen. “I never said that! I just mentioned-”

“Nat told me.” Sir fidgeted with his hands, his eyes purposefully not looking at the Captain whose blush had darkened a shade. “It’s okay, really.”

“No, it’s not.” Captain Rogers growled again. It appeared to Jarvis as if the man was about one more sentence away from grabbing Sir by the shoulders and shaking him. (If Jarvis believed that would have any kind of positive results he would have done it as soon as he was able to move the Iron Man armor.)

“What they wrote is _wrong_.”

“And they got the information because _someone_ didn’t stick to the mandatory no comment response to any and all questions.” Miss Potts hissed. Her eyes hadn’t left Agent Barton once.

“Come on Pep, I _never_ stick to that rule.” Sir stepped between the two, smiling at Miss Potts in a calming manner.

“Yes, and I hate that. But you never say anything about your _teammates_.”

That was mostly true. Whenever Sir decided to talk to paparazzi he sassed them, made rude or self-deprecating comments, most often to get the focus off of someone else. The only exception had been a comment several weeks ago in which he had told one reporter that no, he wasn’t lucky enough to be noticed by The Natasha Romanov.

That actually gave context to the situation on their hands. Not that it was helpful in any way.

“It’s not like Clint planned that. You know how the press gets! They accuse me of being the sugar daddy of the Avengers daily!” Sir huffed exasperated.

“That is bull!” Captain Rogers heartrate picked up at that, the color in his face deepening (and Jarvis thought, it was mostly because of anger – a few weeks ago he had stumbled over a rather unfavorable comment that not only accused Sir of demanding compensation of the intimate kind of his teammates but also calling him derogating names. That twitter user had since then problems with his credit card and had been fired from his workplace – a security job in a factory of Stark Industries).

“You’re trustworthy, loyal and the kindest person I’ve ever met!” When the soldier realized what he had yelled at Sir, his dark blush had another nature entirely.

To his (bad) luck, Sir was too overwhelmed to realize his slip up – as usual. Jarvis wasn’t the only one frustrated with that particular situation, but right now there were more pressing matters – or so he thought.

Agent Barton rolled his eyes in the direction of Agent Romanov and mouthed _and this is the reason all of this happened_.

Without hesitation the Black Widow threw herself forward. Agent Barton narrowly escaped by jumping a few feet to the left behind Captain Rogers and running of towards the fire exit, his spy twin hot on his heels.

Sighing, Miss Potts glanced between both Captain Rogers and Sir, before ushering both of them into the elevator and down to the communal kitchen where Dr. Banner and Thor were sitting at the counter chatting amiably.

A few minutes later there was a loud crash coming from the vents, followed by a guttural scream and another crash. Not one of them even blinked an eye.

“That is taken care of then.” Miss Potts stood up, drank the last of her coffee, before pressing a kiss to Sir’s forehead. She smiled at Captain Rogers in an inviting manner that could possibly be misunderstood as a territorial gesture (it was) and headed back to her office.

(Agent Romanov won this round of hide and seek although Agent Barton did evade her for a total of 3 hours and 23 minutes.)

(Later that day she posted a picture of herself and Agent Barton giving a surprised Sir a butterfly kiss on each cheek with the caption _mom forgave us for talking to the press #Don’tBelieveEverythingYouRead #ClintIsAnIdiot #HeDidNotSayThat #MomAndDadAreFine_.)

(Twitter’s servers crashed shortly after.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Your comments make me want to write even faster :)


	9. Nightmares are an Excellent Bonding Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a hard fight all of the Avengers come together in the kitchen. All aside from one certain genius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, just a warning: my masters starts on Thursday and I'm not sure how much time I'll have to write this week (or the next 2.5 years...). But I'm going to try my best!
> 
> Enjoy!

Jarvis wasn’t surprised in the least that – one after the other – the Avengers found themselves in the communal kitchen tonight.

The earlier fight hadn’t been pleasant. It almost seemed as if the villain of the day had known most of their fears – especially Sir’s. They had been fighting in a cave in the middle of a national park – thankfully without civilians around – when it had collapsed, burying the Avengers underneath. It had been a blessing in disguise as the robotic suit, a weak imitation of the Iron Man armor they had been fighting at the time, had short circuit after the attack and exploded. With the demented pilot inside. The explosion had buried them even deeper under rubble, but at that point the Avengers had already saved themselves into another cave from which they had been able to escape in a jointed effort.

The win didn’t take away the 173 minutes they had been buried in near darkness. It didn’t take away the scrapes and bruises Sir, Agent Barton and Agent Romanov were sporting afterwards. It didn’t take away the near panic attack Sir, Captain Rogers and Dr. Banner (after he returned to his form) had.

To summarize: it had been a bad day for the Avengers even if they had won the battle. It was almost a tradition for them to meet up in the kitchen in the middle of the night after a terrible day. Even if in most cases the concerned residents had been woken up from a nightmare beforehand.

Today, none of the Avengers that had met up in the kitchen had even tried to fall asleep.

Agent Romanov, who limped slightly because of a sprained ankle, had been the first to leave her floor and come down to the communal kitchen at 10:37pm. She had made a pot of tea before sitting down in one of the chairs, waiting.

The second had been Captain Rogers 17 minuets later. He greeted Agent Romanov with a nod before starting to make coffee.

Dr. Banner joined them at 11:02 pm. Gratefully, he accepted the offered tea and sat beside Agent Romanov, facing Captain Rogers. None of them spoke, relaxing in the comfortable silence.

Agent Barton joined them 4 minutes later, letting himself fall beside the super soldier, groaning. “Where is Thor when you need him?”

“In Asgard. As usual.” Agent Romanov answered, almost bored.

“His timing is perfect. Has anyone talked about that with him?” The archer looked to his Captain raising an eyebrow.

“Not yet.” Captain Roger’s propped his chin up on his hand, looking tired and weary. “But I might on his next visit.”

“It will just make him sad.” Dr. Banner murmured, nursing the tea in his hands. “But he would have been a great help today.” He glanced towards the elevator doors and the other Avengers present followed his gaze.

“How is Tony?” The soldier’s voice was small.

“Bruises, a few cuts. Exhausted.” Their not-physician answered, factually. After Sir had refused point blank to be checked over by Shield medical, Dr. Banner had put his foot down.

Jarvis had to agree with the scientist. Sir was as fine as could be expected after the day he had. Maybe even better. Sure, he had gone to his workshop as soon as he could, but he hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol and although he had been rather focused on repairing his suit, it had lacked the dangerous manic energy he often got after being retraumatized.

“When have you seen him last?” Agent Romanov asked, leaning forward a little, hiding her face behind a few strands of red hair.

Dr. Banner looked at the clock on the wall and shrugged. “A couple hours ago.”

“Has he eaten anything?” Captain Rogers asked, which earned him three judgmental stares.

“If he has we have a body-snatcher problem so pray that he hasn’t.” Agent Barton quipped. He stood up, refilling his coffee.

“He should-”

“We talked about it, Steve.” If Jarvis was correct, the Black Widow held back a deep sigh. “You’re right. He should have eaten. But pressuring him won’t work. Especially after a day like today.”

The soldier’s shoulder slumped further down. “I just wanna help.”

“Yeah, we know.” Agent Barton put an arm around the soldier. “We just have to beat it into his genius brain that we want that.”

“I’m not sure beating him with it will help.” Dr. Banner looked up, meeting the archer’s eyes. “Not even a frying pan would make a dent in his thick head.”

Agent Barton laughed, while Captain Rogers and Agent Romanov smiled slightly.

Jarvis had to agree the estimation of the Doctor. If Sir didn’t want to see or understand something he would do his best to just ignore it. His best was – as always – phenomenal and could often be described as a miracle. That, sadly, went for his stubbornness and lacking self-worth as well.

“What do we do then?”

“Make him see.” There was a slight threat in the Black Widow’s voice and all of them heard it.

Captain Rogers, who had asked the question, appeared to be slightly uncomfortable with that answer.

“Don’t worry, Cap.” Agent Barton petted his back. “She’ll probably not kill him.”

“That would be counterproductive.”

“That’s the spirit!”

Dr. Banner glanced again at the still closed elevator doors. “I thought he would be already here.” As far as Jarvis was aware, he knew less than Agent Romanov about what happened to Sir in the past, but he could read the signs of trauma just as well as the spy – and had spent more time with Sir.

“Maybe he is still repairing the suit.” Agent Barton offered a likely explanation with an almost somber voice.

“Should he be working right now?”

“Try and stop him.” Dr. Banner sat up a little straighter and looked at Captain Rogers. “Actually, don’t try to stop him. That would be-”

“Catastrophic!”

“Thank you, Clint. It wouldn’t be good. He needs that to calm down, Steve.”

“But-”

“Neither of us agrees.” Agent Romanov leaned over the table and grabbed his hand lightly. “Bruce is right though. He needs to feel in control.”

If Jarvis was human he would have frowned at that, he was sure. If she would try to reveal more about Sir’s feelings and backstory he would stop her.

“Okay.” The super soldier’s voice was small again. Helpless.

It took them all an hour longer to reach their limit. Captain Rogers broke first, as Jarvis (and everyone else in the tower with the exception of Sir) expected.

“Jarvis, where is Tony?”

At the question everyone else joined him in looking up to one of Jarvis’ cameras. All of their expressions worried.

“Sir is in his workshop, Captain Rogers.”

Not wasting another moment, he stood up, heading towards the elevator.

“Steve!” Dr. Banner called out to him, but Agents Romanov and Barton were already on his heels.

“He could be injured!” The soldier called over his soldier, not stopping to turn towards his teammate.

“I checked him over. He is fine.” The Doctor’s protest didn’t stop him to follow the others, joining them in the elevator.

“Physically!” The Captain growled, not caring in the slightest when a faint green glint showed in the brown of the other man’s eyes.

“Breathe everyone.” Agent Romanov commanded.

“Jay, is Tony in black out mode?”

“No, Agent Barton.”

“See, that’s a good sign!” The archer said, sporting a calming smile that only slightly wavered on the edges.

“And why hasn’t he come up to the kitchen?” The Captain countered, harshly. “He is always there whenever…” He stopped himself, but he didn’t need to continue the thought. Jarvis was certain the others thought the same. Neither Jarvis nor Sir had ever admitted that the _Nightmares-Suck-Protocol_ was enacted or existed – but the other Avengers, of course, suspected. It had taken all of them only a few weeks to realize that Sir _always_ and without a fault seemed to be awake whenever one of them went to the kitchen after being woken by a nightmare.

“He might be just working.” Dr. Banner offered. His tone and expression made it almost painfully obvious he didn’t believe that.

“Just, Steve.” Agent Romanov grabbed Captain Roger’s arm, glaring up at him. “Don’t threaten him-”

“I would never-”

“Let me rephrase that: Don’t make him _feel_ threatened.”

“How-”

“We just tell him we’re hungry and plan on ordering pizza.” Agent Barton interrupted the soldier who seemed to be defensive and lost in equal measures.

“Yes.” Dr. Banner nodded, dead-pan. “And we all came down here to ask the question because we’re hungry.”

“Let’s hope he is too out of it to question it.”

“Clint!”

“Come on, Cap, that was a joke.”

Jarvis opened the elevator doors exposing the dimly lit corridor and the almost dark workshop.

“Jarvis?” There was a new tension in the soldier’s shoulders. It was mirrored by the other Avengers. Agents Barton and Romanov had instantly grabbed for a weapon (both of them carried at least a few daggers with them at all times. Even dressed in pajamas).

“Sir is in the workshop. He is in the right corner.”

The superheros exchanges glances, before moving forward as one front. As they didn’t question Jarvis’ loyalty he hoped they would forgive him for worrying them.

Captain Rogers, with his enhanced senses, saw Sir first and stopped dead.

Sir was curled up on his couch in the workshop, an oil streak visible on his cheek. The blanket he was clutching to himself was a gag present Agent Barton had given him and showed a chibi-version of the Avengers. Beside him stood Dummy, obviously guarding his creator.

“Jay, do you have a picture of this?” The archer whispered, gleefully, as soon as he saw Sir.

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating here, Agent Barton.”

“That’s a yes. Jay, I’ll do anything if you send it to me. Anything. Say the word and I-”

Agent Romanov’s hand sneaked around her partner’s head, silencing him with a hand over his mouth.

Dr. Banner smiled at his follow scientist, clearly relieved.

Captain Rogers still hadn’t moved. His face while watching Sir’s peaceful expression was one of utmost concentration and disbelieving reverence.

“Steve?”

Seemingly without a thought – and clearly without hearing Agent Romanov’s whisper – he moved forward, settling down on one of the throw pillows that were laying around. (Sir liked to have movie nights on his own or with Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes in his workshop from time to time.)

“Steve?” Agent Romanov tried again, when Agent Barton freed himself from her grasp and moved beside the couch, grabbing himself another pillow.

“Come on, sleepover with a robot. It’s going to be fun!” He smiled up at Dr. Banner and Agent Romanov, before petting Dummy. “Do you have some more pillows and blankets?”

Dummy whirred happily and rolled over to a hidden compartment under one of the workbenches to get the items.

Dr. Banner and Agent Romanov exchanged a glance before the Doctor shrugged and smiled. He accepted the blanket and pillow Dummy offered him and made himself comfortable next to Clint.

Agent Romanov sighed inaudibly and laid her head down on Agent Barton’s thigh.

Jarvis didn’t take a picture of that either.

(It took the Avengers a couple of minutes to arrange them with the mountain of pillows and blankets but they managed to get comfortable enough to fall asleep.)

(Sir was the first to wake up in the morning, blinking a couple of times, before asking Jarvis if he was still asleep. Beside his couch lay four of earth mightiest heros on an assemble of all of his pillows and blankets he hoarded down here, far away from prying eyes.)

(Jarvis assured him that he was awake and that his teammates had been worried about him.)

(Sir’s answering smile had been hesitant but happy.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments and kudos!


	10. Thor has some interesting conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor, in Jarvis humble opinion, is rather interesting to observe. Especially whenever he interacts with other people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,
> 
> I just finished the next chapter! Sadly I don't have the link but the end of the chapter was heavily (stolen) inspired by a post of itsallavengers. You can find their blog on Tumblr its amazing and I freaking love it!

Jarvis, as the good and obedient AI that he was, had a file on every resident in the Tower to keep track of their development. (It was also great black mail material should he or Sir ever need it.)

All of the Avengers were spectacular study subjects and he couldn’t pick favorites (aside from his creator, of course). Thor Odinson was one of the more delightful and most often less disturbing inhabitants. There was, admittedly, the chance Jarvis just didn’t get to see it, as he didn’t spend as much time in Jarvis presence as the others – but he thought it was highly unlikely. He had to admit, he agreed with the internet community who declared him _a cinnamon roll – too pure for this world_.

One of the most server warming interactions Jarvis had the pleasure to observe were Thor’s exited explanations why he wore a pop tart necklace. The AI was absolutely positive he wore the piece of jewelry as obvious as he did to be asked that exact question. Few people disappointed the god.

“Mr. Thor, Sir?” The voice of the intern, 22-year-old Birch Jenna (preferred pronounce they/them as they had said hesitantly in their interview and Jarvis had marked in their file to not be dismissed as was policy in Stark Industries), asked hesitantly on the fourteenth time they ran into the god in the last three weeks. Birch, as they preferred to be called, was an intern that sometimes-delivered samples or documents to Dr. Banner. As the god liked to visit the _good Doctor_ from time to time (most days at least once) they met often.

“Yes?” Thor smiled at the young intern, his blue eyes twinkling in a way Sir liked to describe as _unnaturally and unfairly charming_.

“May I… I… Why do you wear a pop tart necklace?” burst the question out of them, letting a startled look flash over their features.

“This?” Thor asked, letting his fingers wander over the chain as he smiled happily.

“Yeah.” The young intern breathed, obviously torn between their curiosity and being mortified.

“My Shield brother gifted it to me to give me a visible proof that he cares for me.” Thor’s voice boomed with the for him average volume that almost rattled the windows all around (Sir insisted on that). Nevertheless no one could deny the warmth and gratitude in it.

“Oh that’s…” Birch didn’t finish the sentence and blushed instead a soft shade of red.

“I am most honored, I assure you. To be gifted something so special is a great service I will have to repay in the years to come.”

“Oh, yeah… I mean Dr. Banner will be…”

“The gift wasn’t from Bruce.” Thor smiled at them with a glint of mischief. “Anthony crafted it for me himself. I will honor it and the memory till my death whenever it shall take me.”

Birch, who had run into Sir five times during their internship already, widened their eyes in surprise.

“Dr. Stark did…”

“Yes.” Thor smiled, patting the pendant carefully. “Don’t misunderstand, young one, I’d be honored to receive a gift from the good Doctor. But this Anthony made for me in a time of need. I doubt he understands what it means to me.” He leaned forward trying for a whisper which was at least a little quieter than a normal speaking voice. “Don’t worry, I shall make him understand sooner or later.”

He carefully padded them on the shoulder – he learned that lesson last week – again – when he almost dislocated Agent Barton’s shoulder.

Jarvis had to agree with the god. Sir didn’t know what it meant to Thor. He was almost embarrassed whenever he saw Thor wearing it like a badge of honor. Still, Jarvis saw the smile that Sir tried to hide most of the time.

Without another comment, Thor strode into Dr. Banner’s lab. Said scientist had long since accepted this development – and judging by his physical indications – liked the visits. Jarvis did judge. (He also had the (unnecessary) order to keep an eye on these two as Sir was aware of the possible development – which was ironic – and wanted to make sure neither of them made a mistake – which was downright cynical.)

As Thor was still puzzled by a lot of earth customs, it lead to discussions that were quite delightful for Jarvis to listen to or participate in. One of his favorite ones had happened just earlier this week and included Captain Rogers and the topic of same sex relationships.

“I promise you, Steven, when I invite all of my Midgardian Shield brothers to Asgard, we shall have a grand feast!” The god had declared on Monday morning. The other Avengers had been occupied and Thor and Captain Rogers had enjoyed a second breakfast together.

“That sounds really good, Thor.” The Captain smiled. The almost unnoticeable tightness around his eyes the only indications he wasn’t as enthusiastic as he wanted to make the god believe.

“I remember one time, we celebrated a wedding of a trusted ally and afterwards I shared my bed with two very hospitable men.”

At that Captain Rogers almost choked on the orange juice he had just tried to swallow.

Thor clapped his teammate hard enough on the back to push him into the table.

“What is it my friend? Are you alright?”

“Yeah… yeah, I… Sure. Am fine I mean.” He wheezed out, a blush darkening his cheeks.

Thor noticed, letting his eyes roam over the flustered expression. He frowned. “Did I offend you?”

“What? No! No, of course not. I… I just didn’t expect that.”

“That I enjoy the company of men?”

“That… that you would just say that. During breakfast.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” There was only puzzlement in the gods voice. “It was a joyous occasion and all three of us-”

Captain Roger’s blush darkened considerably and Thor stopped, seemingly confused.

“If I may,” Jarvis spoke up, suspecting the soldier from another time wouldn’t feel comfortable discussing those matters. “Although it is now legal and mostly accepted, same sex relationships weren’t the norm in the time of Captain Roger’s youth. Further is it still not viewed as ordinary by most of society to be in a relationship with more than one person at a time.”

“Why not?” The god appeared almost startled.

“Religions like Christianity view the monogamous relationship between a man and a woman as the ‘natural state’.” Jarvis explained, patiently. “Those views start to change. The society starts to be more open to different ways of living which is overdue, if you don’t mind me saying.”

The soldier looked up at one of Jarvis’ cameras, his eyes wide.

“I wholeheartedly agree with you, Jarvis. As always you prove to be as human and intelligent as your creator.”

If he could blush, Jarvis was sure he would have at the comparison.

“What… what about Tony?” The Captain asked, weakly.

“Sir has always supported the LGBTQ+ community. And that has nothing to do with his personal experiences he enjoyed in his playboy phase.” Jarvis couldn’t keep that comment to himself. He just couldn’t.

“He has?” The terrified hope in Captain Roger’s eyes was enough to make Jarvis wish he had arms to hug the man.

“Indeed."

“If I made you uncomfortable Steven, I apologize, although I will not stand for-”

“No!” The Captain interrupted him, the blush still bright red, but now there was fire in his eyes and voice. “I… I didn’t suspect that. I… I’m not… I am… I have…” It seemed he couldn’t finish the sentences, looking helpless around the kitchen.

Thor, who liked to use his often clueless appearing exterior and behavior too fool the people around him, stayed silent, giving Captain Rogers the time to decide what he wanted to communicate.

“I… I’m gay.” Whispering the words, Steve stared down at the floor. That was the reason he didn’t see the smile blooming on Thor’s face.

When it became clear the super soldier wouldn’t look up, Thor morphed his expression in one of confused supportiveness. “I don’t mean to be unsensitive but what does that word mean, my friend?”

Captain Rogers looked up, meeting the kind eyes of the god. If he had been thinking clearly, he would have known the Allspeak would translate the word. It was obvious both to the AI and the god that it was something the man had waited to say for a long time.

“I… I like men…”

The smile on the god’s lips widened. “It is good to know what one prefers in partners, isn’t it?” He threw an arm around his startled teammate. “I do too. I like everyone as long as their light shines bright.” His smile became mischievous even if his voice remained pleasantly nonchalant. “Like our Anthony. Don’t you think he shines even brighter than his mechanical heart?”

“Yes.” Steve Rogers whispered, his eyes fixed on Sir’s discarded coffee mug on the kitchen counter.

Chuckling softly, the god had started another story, obviously aware of the fact that Steve wasn’t listening and rather staring at the abandoned coffee mug.

The Allspeak was especially interesting to Jarvis. He was almost certain that since the first incident (he had seen a video of the interaction of Thor and a dog in which the god had explained to the canine in detail why Captain Rogers pants were not fit for consumption – and bewildered all of his teammates) he had great pleasure in using the Allspeak in different situations to baffle them.

Once, he had followed a Bee, before turning to Sir telling him with a straight face: “He says this stupid damn city needs more flowers and pollen-bearing plants. He is working a 16 hour shift every day.”

Sir had been speechless for almost a whole minute. (Jarvis treasured the memory. Almost as much as the knowledge that he had Pepper pull a publicity stunt in which Stark Industries planted flowers all over the city.)

Jarvis favorite interaction of Thor and Sir had happened a few weeks after the other Avengers had moved into the Tower and Thor had come back to Earth to inform the Avengers that Loki had been controlled himself, was in prison and healing.

When Sir hadn’t come upstairs for the team dinner Thor had offered to fetch him, promising Captain Rogers to succeed where many others had failed.

“Sir Jarvis?”

“Just Jarvis is fine, Mr. Odinson.”

“Only if you bestow me the honor to call me Thor.”

Jarvis had hesitated for a moment. The expression of the god calm and open.

“As you wish, Thor.”

“Splendid!” The god exclaimed. “Would you grant me entry to your father’s chambers?”

Jarvis had stopped for a nanosecond. Sir and Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes had been the only people to understand and name the relationship Sir and he had – or something akin to that relationship.

“Yes.” Nearly speechless, Jarvis had moved the elevator, opened the door to the workshop, allowing Thor entry.

Sir, who had sat on a workbench welding, didn’t realize the newcomer. Dummy had. He raced over to the god, grabbing at his cloak with his claw, beeping excitedly.

Before Jarvis could reprimand him and alert Sir to the presence, Thor bent down to the robot, gingerly petting him. “I am most happy for you, young one.” The smile on his face was warm and affectionate, listening patiently to the beeping of Dummy.

“Sir?”

Sir looked up from the welding, looking behind him, to see Thor kneeling beside Dummy, petting him and still listening.

“Point break? What are you doing?” Sir pushed himself up from his stool, stretching his muscles.

“I came to fetch you. Dinner will be served soon.” Thor stood up, smiling affectionately at Sir, who seemed to be startled by that.

“Oh. Okay. Thanks.”

Thor took a step forward, a smile blooming in his face, before he clapped Sir hard enough on the back to make him stumble. “I am proud of you, Anthony.”

The god didn’t see the slight flinch Sir was almost able to hide.

“What? Why?”

“Your sons.” He gestured towards Dummy. “He is telling me all about how well his father oiled up his joints this morning and keeps saying _I love him_ on repeat.”

Sir faltered.

“And of course, Jarvis. It is most obvious how devoted he is to his father.”

Sir looked up at the much bigger man as if he had just struck him with lightning.

“You can be proud of them, my friend.” Thor placed his hand gently on Sir’s shoulder.

“I… I am.” Sir’s voice was thick with emotions, a wet glint in his eyes, when he blinked.

“Thanks, Thor.”

“Of course. I imagine it’s as great an honor on Midgard as it is on Asgard to have the love of your children. And now,” Thor gently pushed Sir towards the elevator. “We shall feast!”

(That night Sir spend some more time with Dummy, petting him, while telling Jarvis repeatedly that he wasn’t tearing up.)

(Jarvis would follow his father’s footsteps denying that he felt the swelling emotions when Sir, patted the wall, thanking Jarvis for being there.)

(Later Jarvis would realize that Thor had done all that most likely on purpose – and still enjoyed telling Sir how well he took care of his children – the Avengers included.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! As always: Comments make me want to write faster ;)
> 
> If anyone wants to pitch an idea feel free to comment or message me on Tumblr, exact same username :D
> 
> Have a great day!


	11. Steve expresses his feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve comes clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week I'm off work and although I should be working on some articles because of deadlines and my first Master-stuff I definitely should be doing right now, I'm writing this. 
> 
> I hope you have fun!

Steve Rogers is a good man. Jarvis has come to accept that and forgave said good man for the way he treated his creator in the beginning.

He is not sure if he will be able to forgive Captain Rogers his… inadvisable handling of his feelings (although that is hypocritical of him. Sir is worse than even the Captain in that regard and Jarvis couldn’t even comprehend to not be supportive. Even if slightly pissed. Annoyed, he meant to say, of course).

Tonight, as the super soldier has told his image in the mirror twenty-one times before using the elevator to get to the communal floor, is the night he will open up about his feelings.

In the kitchen, as Jarvis had assured Captain Rogers six times, were Agent Romanov sitting at the counter and Agent Barton who was cooking. (Thor and Dr. Banner had left the Tower at 10.17am this morning as Thor had demanded to be shown dinosaur skeletons after he watched Jurassic Park. Sir had been kidnapped by Miss Potts at 7.47am and forced to accompany her on a short trip to a business congress. Jarvis was under strict instructions to rescue Sir if he didn’t come back in the next 48 hours.)

“Hey Steve!” Agent Barton waved with the wooden spoon towards the super soldier, sprinkling the kitchen island with tomato sauce droplets.

Agent Romanov didn’t greet the Captain but patted the chair beside her own.

The nervous man followed the lead, sitting down, his heart racing in a way Jarvis would be more concerned about if he hadn’t the serum. Still, he would keep an eye on his vitals.

“You okay, man?” Agent Barton grabbed a knife, dicing a cucumber in same size slices before adding them to the sauce.

“I…” The soldier started, not finishing the sentence.

The Black Widow turned towards him, her green eyes calm.

“I… I’ve got to tell you something.” He cleared his throat and inhaled deeply before squaring his shoulders, his expression set. “I like Tony.”

Agent Romanov’s eyebrow raised up, while Agent Barton opened a can with peaches.

“Congrats, you’re the last to know you love him.”

At that, Captain Rogers choked on air. “I’m not… I… I...”

“Correction, you’ll be the last one to know as soon as you realize it.” Agent Barton sliced the peaches, adding them and Italian spices to the sauce.

“Don’t be mean, Clint. Tony will be the last one to know. And only if someone,” at that Agent Romanov glared at the Captain, “tells him.”

“What?” The super soldier looked almost panicked. “No! He can’t find out!”

“Steve-”

“No!” Captain Rogers stood up, pacing behind the counter under the watchful eyes of the Black Widow – and Hawkeye whenever he didn’t add other ingredients.

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. We’re teammates and-”

“He will be happy-”

“No!” Captain Rogers turned to the redheaded woman a mixture of scared desperation and stubbornness on his face. “Tony and I are friends! I’m not going to risk that.”

“Steve-”

“Cap, he would-”

“No.” There was the authority of Captain America in his voice. “He is my friend and just because I had to fall… I like him doesn’t mean… doesn’t mean… We’re a team! Family… It’s more important than…”

At that, Clint sighed, deeply. “I get it, Cap, I do. But don’t you think you deserve-”

“This is not about me.”

At that Agent Romanov raised one of her eyebrows. “Explain.”

Everyone could hear the subtle threat in those words and in Jarvis opinion there were at least three options why it was there. First, she thought he disregarded his own feelings. Second, she thought he thought himself better or lesser than Sir. Third, she liked to make her teammates squirm. (In this instance Jarvis approved.)

“He…” Captain Rogers shook his head, clearly frustrated. “He shines so bright.” The murmur was barely audible to Jarvis and as there were no reactions from either spy, he was sure they hadn’t heard it.

“He what?”

“He has given me more than…” Looking defeated, Captain Rogers let his shoulders drop, his expression desolated.

“Come here, Steve.” The Black Widow reached out to him, grabbing his arm and gently tugging him closer.

It took the soldier a few minutes before he accepted the hug, but when he did, he melted in the arms of the much smaller spy.

“Right now, you don’t have to do anything, okay?” Natasha Romanov whispered, soothing. “Thank you for telling us.”

When Captain Rogers had calmed down, he stepped back, smiling first at her and then Agent Barton who was adding a spoonful of honey and the freshly diced tomatoes to the sauce.

“Don’t worry Cap, we have your back. And by the way?” Agent Barton smiled one his truly genuine smiles. “Tony will be thrilled when you tell him.”

“I-”

“Just saying.” He made a shooing motion while grabbing four packs of spaghetti and dumping them into the boiling water right next to the still bubbling sauce. “Now, be a dear and set the table.” His smile morphed into a slightly mischievous one.

“Yeah, sure.”

Dr. Banner and Thor joined their teammates, all enjoying the fruity sauce and easy company. During the meal, Thor described what they had seen in the museum with shining eyes.

“Next time you all shall join us!”

“Sure.” Captain Rogers agreed easily, his thoughts clearly with Sir, as his eyes lay on his empty chair.

Dr. Banner followed the Captain’s gaze and smiled warmly. “Tony texted me earlier.”

At that the soldier looked up at him. “He asked me to bring the Hulk and rescue him.”

“I thought Lady Pepper-”

“Yeah, she dragged him to some work thing, didn’t she?” Clint asked, most of his focus on the noodles he tried to elegantly put on his fork.

“A business congress, yes. He swore he was surrounded by supervillains.”

“Mom can be a little theatrical, can’t he?” Agent Romanov stated matter of fact, finishing her second serving and leaning back in her chair.

At that Steve laughed. “A little.”

“Oh please, Cap, last time he ran into a wall, which no one could have prevented! You know it’s true! You fuzzed over him as if he was dying!”

“I didn’t-”

Four pairs of disbelieving eyes settled on the soldier and he stopped speaking.

“It is alright Steven.” Thor patted his back, smiling understandingly. “It is most understandable to rush to one’s lover’s side.”

Captain Rogers, who for a second had looked relieved, blushed bright red.

“Thor, I-”

“Don’t worry, Steve.” Dr. Banner smiled reassuringly at him. “We all know. We’re all having your back. And his. We have both your backs, don’t worry.”

Steve stared at him, awe and relief almost glowing in his eyes. “Thanks.” He almost whispered.

“Don’t worry, Steve.” Agent Romanov leaned closer to him, reaching over the table and lightly touching his arm. “I’ll keep all of them in line. You just figure everything out.”

“Hey!” Agent Barton protested.

“Shut up, Clint.”

Differently to Captain Rogers, Jarvis had known how the Avengers thought about this matter. They talked about it. Often. (Jarvis liked to listen to them, keep audio and video files of it and intended to use it on their inevitable wedding.)

The confused look of happiness, disbelief and gratitude on Steve Rogers face was a terrible and beautiful thing.

It didn’t change that his self-doubt returned the next morning. Agent Romanov was in the kitchen when he came back from his morning run. It could have been a coincident. Jarvis knew it wasn’t.

“Morning.”

Agent Romanov looked up from her coffee, her eyes trailing the super soldier.

Captain Rogers opened the fridge and took a bottle of water out, turning around to meet the gaze of the Black Widow.

“Where is everyone?”

“At work.”

“Hm.”

Captain Rogers leaned back, taking another sip of his water. He wasn’t versed in the psychological warfare but by now he at least could keep quiet longer. (2.7 minutes.)

He started to squirm under her scrutiny while Agent Romanov looked as relaxed as ever. It was one of the skills Jarvis knew Sir envied her for – even if he himself had a rather impressive poker face and acting ability.

“Okay what?”

The spy looked just long enough to spike his malaise even higher. “How are you?”

Captain Rogers took another sip. “I… Fine. I’m fine.”

Agent Romanov kept silent.

“Really. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Silence.

“Everything is fine.”

Silence.

“I… I’m fine.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Obviously, Captain Rogers was suspicious, still he fell for the change of tactics.

“You’re fine.”

“Well… yes. I am.”

“Because you know we have your back.”

“Yes.” There was relief in his words, hope and the hint of surrender.

“No matter what happens. Whether you tell Tony or not, you know we have your back.”

The Captain stiffened slightly, but nodded.

“If you two decide this is a thing, you know we support you.”

Captain Rogers opened his mouth. The Black Widow didn’t even let him start.

“You are both our family, Steve. We won’t pick sides. We’ll have both of your backs.”

“Okay.” It was barely a whisper at all.

“I’m going to tell you this once so listen closely.” Agent Romanov looked up, her expression unguarded. “Whatever happens, you don’t hurt him.”

“Of course not! I-”

“He had some… unpleasant experiences in his past.” She interrupted him and Jarvis had to stop himself from stopping her cold. She wasn’t wrong, of course, and both Sir and him had suspected her knowing more about his past, that was her job. Never mind that, Jarvis would not stand for her telling the Captain about it without Sir’s permission.

Captain Rogers stiffened the petulance changing to rage. “Someone we need to take care of?” He asked, his voice a mixture of the tone he used as Captain America and something much darker.

“Not at the moment.” The Black Widow answered, an edge to her voice.

“You let me know?”

She nodded once. “I will not pick sides and I will give him the same warning. Be careful.” She let a smile slip on her lips. “For all what it’s worth. I think you could be great together.”

At that Steve Rogers blushed bright red. “I… I don’t… If… I mean… Don’t warn him. He wouldn’t…”

“He is family and I’d die for him but he can be an asshole.” Natasha Romanov said, no infliction in her voice whatsoever.

The soldier laughed, a full body laugh, his eyes lightening up with a soft glow they only got around Sir. “Yeah…”

The Black Widow smiled at that, her open one that Jarvis had only seen her allow herself around the Avengers in the last couple of weeks.

(If Jarvis started to include her more in his plans after that, neither of them mentioned it.)

(Captain Rogers didn’t act differently towards Sir afterwards. But he started to talk about his feelings to the other Avengers from time to time.)

(It was still a long way, Jarvis mused, but no one who knew the two men would bet against them. Especially with the Avengers backing up the most advanced AI on the planet working on it to become reality.

(It was only a matter of time, after all.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the tease? (Actually I changed the title like three times until I cackled... I'm a horrible person, I know...)
> 
> Don't worry they will get together. And I will write them when they are. It will just take a while :D


	12. Sir expresses his feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are two important conversations in this. And a very protective honeybear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? Apparently I have nothing else to do... (Ignores everything around herself)
> 
> I also want to say: I'm not sorry. Stick with me boys, girls and nonbinary people, this is probably going to get worse before it gets better. 
> 
> But I promise fluff.

Somedays his creator frustrated Jarvis to no end. Somedays he was awed. Today he was fondly exasperated.

Tony Stark, one of the strongest, most brilliant and hardened heroes on planet earth was running around like a kid on a sugar high. Jarvis knew. He had compared videos.

“Sit down, you’re starting to make me nervous!” Agent Barton complained, his eyes not once leaving Sir.

The genius ignored the archer, turning around again to fill his coffee mug for the third time in the last twenty minutes. Jarvis would have sighed if it had been appropriate. It was going to be a long day.

Before Captain Rogers could say anything well-meaning about the coffee intake of Sir, the elevator doors opened and Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes stepped out.

“Honeybear!” Sir squealed – even if he would deny it – and flung himself into the waiting arms of his oldest friend. The Colonel caught him, as he always did, enclosing him in a bear hug.

“Hey Tones.” He greeted, almost silently. His voice was filled with love and happiness. (Even if Sir, in his darkest moments, feared he would drag him down with him, Jarvis knew James Rhodes would welcome it if it meant to stay with Sir.)

Dark brown eyes met blue ones and Captain Rogers wasn’t able to hold back his flinch. It seemed neither of the men had forgotten that Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes had decided to have a chat with the Captain.

The increased heartbeat of the super soldier was as much a giveaway as was his expression, carefully friendly. He of course knew that Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes and Sir were best friends, that both saw the other as their brother – Sir had stated it often enough. It didn’t seem to matter much if the clenching of his jaw was anything to go by.

An hour later, the Colonel had greeted everyone, taken Sir’s coffee away and replaced it with orange juice, forced him to have breakfast with all of them and only then let himself be dragged down to Sir’s workshop.

“It’s good to have you back, Colonel.”

“It’s good to be back, Jay.” The man smiled at one of the cameras. Sir had run off to grab the triple chocolate muffins that were mandatory for them to eat since MIT.

“How has our genius been?”

“Surprisingly good, if I may say.”

The Colonel laughed, the skin around his eyes crinkling. “And the team?”

“They are accommodating.”

“Yeah?” There was a barely noticeable edge to his voice, but Jarvis knew him almost as good as his creator. If he had to name a second parent it would be this man, who not only helped with some of his code but cared deeply for his Sir and helped him understand him better.

“Yes. Sir’s health has significantly improved since they moved into the Tower.”

Colonel Rhodes nodded to that.

“Here!” Sir ran into the workshop with four muffins in his hands, placing them almost carelessly on one of the workbenches before beaming up at the other man. “What’s new?”

“Same old.” The Colonel shrugged while raising one eyebrow expectantly.

“Oh, come on. You’re a Lieutenant Colonel! Something must have happened!”

“Actually, since I’m not longer working as closely with you as before, my life is a lot more relaxing.” He grinned at Sir, the warmth clear in his eyes. “It’s almost boring.”

“Then join the Avengers! Come on, Rhodey, it’s going to be awesome.”

“I like boring.”

Sir made a dismissive hand gesture. “You’re war machine. You can’t be boring. I won’t allow it! That reminds me: How is my baby?”

“I knew you only care about the suit.” The Colonel huffed. He reached out, tussling Sir’s hair who tried to shove the over man from himself halfheartedly.

“I know you hack my reports and I’m not going to repeat myself, again, that you should _stop doing that_. But you know nothing really happened.”

Sir’s shoulders relaxed in a way they hadn’t in a while.

“So, what’s the gossip?” The Colonel grabbed to muffins and stirred Sir to the couch.

“I think Pepper is seeing someone.”

“Yeah? Who?”

“I’m not going to spy on her! That would be wrong.”

“And she would crucify you.”

“And that.” Sir grinned at him, open and relaxed.

“What about the Avengers?”

Sir went still for a moment, not rigid, not fearful or if he wanted to hold something back. More like he wasn’t sure how to say it.

“Come on, Tones, spill it.”

Sir looked up, meeting the darker eyes of the Colonel, an amazed, almost shy smile on his lips. “They like me.”

Colonel Rhodes snorted. “Of course, they like you.”

“No, I mean… I think they are not only putting up with me, but… Nat said… and Clint…”

“What did they say?” There was the slightest hint of a threat in his voice and at that Sir’s smile grew even brighter.

“That we’re family.”

The Colonel’s demeanor softened. “If they know what’s good for them, they keep it that way.”

“Ohhhh, will you defend my honor, honeybear?”

“Someone has to do it.” A smile played over his lips, before he sobered a little. “If they did anything-”

“No, they… we’re working together. Have movie nights on Thursdays and…” Sir blushed a little, something Colonel Rhodes would never pass up on.

“And you love them.”

“Yeah… I mean, I like them, sure.”

“You love them. Most of all that Captain of yours.”

“You’re a menace, you know that?” The blush on Sir’s cheeks had darkened considerably.

“I’m happy for you, Tones.” Colonel Rhodes voice was soft, caring and encouraging. “You still haven’t talked to him?”

“Of course not!”

“Why is that?”

“For one he is straight.”

“Seriously doubt that.”

“And even if he was interested in men-”

“He obviously is.”

“-he wouldn’t be interested in _me_.”

“Bullshit.”

“I beg your pardon?” Sir asked, outraged, his blush still in full force.

“Then beg.” The Colonel smiled innocently when Sir started laughing.

“You have been chatting with Peter, haven’t you?”

“Of course, I have to keep in contact with my nephew.”

“He isn’t your nephew.”

“Of course, he is.”

Sir groaned, letting himself against the backrest of the couch. “Menace.”

“You love me.”

Sir grinned up at him. “Asshole.”

“Likewise. So, what’s going on between you and Rogers?”

Sir sighed. “Nothing. We’re friends.”

“And?”

“And I’m not going to risk that or the team for a quick fuck.”

“You’re head over heels for him, Tones.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“It does.” A fierce undertone had slipped into James Rhodes voice. One, both Sir and Jarvis knew to mean the Colonel would start another of his crusades of Sir’s issues.

“It does matter, Tony.” He grabbed Sir, wrapping him up in his arms. Sir melted in his embrace in a way he only did with the Colonel.

“He would be damn lucky to have you.”

Sir didn’t answer.

“He would be. And don’t worry, if he even _thought_ about doing anything I’d bury him.”

“You can’t kill Captain America.”

“Watch me.”

Sir snorted. “No thank you, I’d rather not break you out of prison.”

“As if you would let them take me to prison.” The Colonel laughed, carefree.

“Never.” Sir’s arms tightened around the other men, before he pushed himself up, pressing his shoulder to his best friend’s. “There really is nothing going on between us, Rhodey.”

“And I should believe that after the picture Jarvis sent?”

“What-”

“The one in which the _good Captain_ was straddling your hips feeding you pizza. That one. Can I say, I almost choked in the middle of a war zone?”

Sir grunted, closing his eyes. “That was nothing.”

“Nothing.”

“Yes.”

“Is that the story you’re sticking with? _It was nothing_.”

Sir glared at Colonel Rhodes. “Yes.”

“Bullshit.”

“It was nothing! Steve is always on my case for eating too little or not often enough or not healthy enough and-”

“His solution was to _sit on you_?”

“…yes.”

“You dared him, didn’t you?”

Jarvis lived to serve Sir. And to embarrass him in front of his best friend. That’s why he played the audio recording before Sir could answer.

“ _You’re going to eat and you’re going to sleep and if I have to sit on you the whole time while you do it then so be it_!” The annoyed voice of Captain Rogers growled from the speakers.

“ _Oh yeah? Prove it soldier boy_!” Sir’s voice growled back.

“ _Gladly_.”

“Remind me to gift you to a kindergarten, Jay.”

“As you wish, Sir.”

Colonel Rhodes was gloating at Sir, even if there was a hint of concern in his expression.

Sir glanced at him, before looking down on his hands. “He apologized afterwards.”

“Good.”

The genius looked to his best friend a small, self-deprecating smile on his lips. Whatever he wanted to say, Colonel Rhodes stopped him.

“Does he do that with the others, too?”

Sir laughed. “Are you asking me if he wrestles the Black Widow, Hulk or Thor down to the floor and sits on them? As the Tower is still standing I’m guessing, no.”

“Good point.” The Colonel conceded. His eyes wandered over Sir’s expression, sighing before punching him lightly. “Didn’t you want to show me some improvements on your suit?”

Sir jumped up, all other thoughts erased from his mind while he started to inform the other engineer about all the changes, his eyes glowing with excitement.

Hours later, while Sir was absorbed in a new theory the both had thought of, Colonel Rhodes asked Jarvis to ask Captain Rogers if this time was convenient for a conversation.

The Captain, who had been nervously waiting on his floor agreed with an expression as if he was about to be executed. (Jarvis of course knew that the threats of the Colonel weren’t empty. But neither would he kill a man just out of the prospect that he might hurt his best friend one day. Most likely.)

Three minutes later Jarvis opened the elevator doors on Captain Rogers floor. Said man stood, back straight and hands clenching, in his living room.

“Colonel.”

“Captain.”

“Do you want coffee?”

“No, thanks.”

The soldier hesitated a moment. “Should we sit?”

“Good idea.” Colonel Rhodes smiled at the other man, taking the lead and sitting down on the couch.

“You know why I’m here.”

It wasn’t a question.

Captain Rogers stiffened, but nodded. In the last two weeks, after outing himself to most of the Avengers he had (mostly) come to terms with all of them knowing about his feelings for Sir. It seemed disproportionately worse with Colonel Rhodes.

“I’m not going to tell Tones anything. I stopped involving myself in his love life a long time ago. He can make is own decisions.” He leaned forward, his eyes clear. “That doesn’t mean that I don’t protect him.”

Captain Rogers nodded. “I know.” He inhaled deeply, as if he needed that extra second. “You don’t have to protect him from me.”

“I hope so.” The Colonel leaned back again, his eyes never leaving Captain Rogers.

“I would never do anything to hurt him.”

Colonel Rhodes raised an eyebrow.

“Not on purpose. Never.” The Captain’s voice got stronger, a spark of defiance in his eyes. “He is… he is part of my team. We’re all going to have his back.”

The other man didn’t respond. Jarvis could guess what he was thinking about, or rather who.

“He speaks highly of you. Of the Avengers.”

For a moment Captain Rogers appeared to be confused. “Of course, we’re his team.”

“We both know that doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“For us it does.”

“All of you?”

“Of course!”

Colonel Rhodes chose to keep quiet.

“Colonel Rhodes, I know you don’t know us and it’s clear you don’t trust us, but Tony does.”

“We both trusted people before we shouldn’t have.”

“We are trustworthy.” The Captain all but growled.

“That’s what we thought of them, too.” The Colonel leaned forward again, holding the angry eyes of the Captain. “I want to trust you. I want you to be what Tones deserves but until I do know that you deserve him and his trust, I will be watching.”

“What will it take to convince you?”

“Time. Proof.”

“I can give you that.”

“I hope so.”

“I know you are his best friend. He calls you his brother most of the time and I respect that. But we’re his family too, now.”

The smile that split the Colonels face was almost cruel. “Yeah. Tell me, how much do you know about Afghanistan. About Stane?” He couldn’t keep the furious hatred out of his voice and Jarvis understood. He also understood that the Colonel was provoking the Captain. Still, if it had been anyone else but James Rhodes, he would have ended this conversation already.

“Stane?” The super soldier echoed, obviously unknowledgeable about what had happened. Although the dark look in his eyes assured Jarvis that not only could he guess the bare bones of the story, he was furious because of it.

“It’s Tony’s story to tell, but when he does – if he does, you will understand why that doesn’t mean as much to me as it has.” The Colonel stood up, the Captain following his example.

“Don’t get me wrong, Rogers, I want you to make him happy. I want all of this to be as good as Tony thinks it is. I want him to be _happy_.”

“Me too.”

Colonel Rhodes nodded. “I believe you.”

Captain Rogers shoulder’s sacked and he exhaled, looking back up at the other man. “I… I really… I wouldn’t…”

“I hope you’re right.” The Colonel patted him on the shoulder before stepping into the elevator Jarvis had held open for him. Before the doors closed, he smiled a happy smile at the soldier.

“Just so you know, Jarvis reports to me.”

The doors closed and Jarvis moved the elevator back to Sir’s workshop.

“That was quite dramatic, Colonel.”

“You think?” The man leaned his back against the wall, exhaling. “You keep me informed, Jay.”

“Of course, Sir.”

“You sure they are good for him.”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

(Sir hadn’t even realized that his honeybear had left. While they started on a new theory for a communication device, Captain Rogers started googling Obadiah Stane.)

(Jarvis stuck by his assessment. The Avengers were good for Sir. Captain Rogers could be good for Sir.)

(It didn’t change that he would keep watch. And if he was mistaken, he would bring the wrath of The Pepper Potts, Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes and himself down on anyone daring to harm his creator.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments keep me going.
> 
> And to all of you who comment and especially those who comment on every chapter: I seriously love you guys!


	13. The Avengers express their feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers express their feelings (about the way Sir and Captain Rogers don’t express their feelings to each other).
> 
> Oh, and a building fell on our lovebirds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! I am literally on a high from writing and all your comments!!!
> 
> Warning: mentioning of a panic attack.

The worst that Sir could do to Jarvis was going dark. When he did on his latest mission because another building collapsed over him, Jarvis needed all of his incredible willpower to not call for every single person with a job even remotely able to help in the situation – starting with the coast guard, military personal and all doctors and nurses he would be able to get ahold of (which would have been quite the number).

Hours later he got the footage of the situation when Thor dragged the armor into the workshop. He watched it while the Avengers were sitting in the waiting room, trying to keep Captain Rogers and themselves as calm as they could while Sir was in surgery.

Jarvis knew that the 73 minutes Sir and Captain Rogers had been buried were only that: 1h and 13 minutes. 4.380 seconds. It felt a lot longer.

He started the recording from the moment the abandoned 5 story house crumbled, burying Sir and Captain Rogers underneath concrete. As the data Jarvis accessed was more than only the video feed he was aware of several things. The comms of the suit were destroyed because of something hitting the helmet and arc reactor of the suit, damaging both. The suit was breached by a blunt force piercing through Sir’s right thigh. The ventilation system in the suit failed. The vital readings were going haywire and Jarvis, knowing full well Sir was treated right this moment (he had eyes and ears on Sir even during his surgery) could do nothing against the dread and panic almost frying his servers.

When the rubble stopped moving so did Sir.

The vitals showed that he was breathing, even if he didn’t get enough oxygen.

There was the sound of moving and then breathing that wasn’t Sir.

“Tony?”

Captain Rogers came into view, scraped up, covered in dirt and his left arm in a protective position over his stomach.

“Tony, answer me!” He coughed, moving the rubble around him as fast as he could.

“Tony!”

It took him 354 seconds to reach Sir without burying them both under even more debris.

“Tony.” Carefully, he touched the shoulder of the suit, looking it over. “No…” He whispered, his head position indicating he had seen the rubble piercing through Sir in a mocking reversal of the last time they had been buried under stones ready to crush them.

“Tony, please, say something.” The pleading was desperate and fearful.

Jarvis wanted to answer him. Reassure the man that Sir was alive. That they would be saved.

“I’m going to open your helmet, okay Tony?” Gingerly, Captain Rogers skidded a little closer, feeling along of the faceplate to open it. When he didn’t find a release, he ripped it off.

Jarvis lost visual contact as the cameras in the mask disconnected.

“No, Tony…” Breathed the super soldier with such devastation Jarvis was thankful he hadn’t had heard it when it happened. Almost an hour before they would be rescued.

“It… it’s okay. Headwounds always bleed worse, right? You… You’ll be fine.” The tremor in the soldier’s voice was hard to listen to.

There was a spike in Sir’s vitals. Jarvis guessed the Captain had touched Sir’s face.

Sir groaned, exhausted and pained, but a proof of life.

“Tony!”

It took Sir a couple of minutes and coaxing of Captain Rogers’ pleading voice to murmur his first understandable word.

“…what…”

“Everything is fine, Tony. We are… another house fell on us, but we’re fine. You’re going to be fine.”

“…hurt…”

“I know, I know Tony, but you’re going to be fine.”

“…no…you…”

There was a hitch in the breathing (that was too fast for the super soldier) before he answered Sir in a forced calm voice.

“I’m fine. Just a little scrapped up.”

“…good…”

“I… no, no open your eyes, hey look at me…”

“…tired…”

“I know, but you have to stay awake a little longer, okay? You can stay awake longer.”

Sir mumbled something incomprehensible.

“That’s it. Look at me.” A hint of relief colored Captain Rogers’ voice but it couldn’t drown out the pain or fearful pleading.

“…talk…”

“What?”

“…tell…something…”

“Oh… sure… I… You’re so much better at this then I am.”

“…bull…”

“No, it’s true.”

The microphones picked up movements. Most likely Captain Rogers rearranging himself.

Sir exhaled in a sigh, before coughing.

“Shit.” There was more movement and Sir’s aching gasps.

“Try… Try to breathe calmly, Tony. I know it’s hard… and it hurts, but try, please.”

Sir coughed again.

“Reduced lung capacity.” The super soldier murmured lowly enough Jarvis knew Sir wouldn’t have heard it.

“…Cap…” Sir wheezed. “…okay?”

“I… Yes. I’m… We’re fine. Try to breath calmly, I… would a… no that would make it worse…” The panic in the Captain’s voice grew more frantic.

“…Cap...”

“Fine, everything is fine, just… just…”

“Steve.” Sir’s voice was louder, still pained, exhausted and wheezing, but there was more of himself in the name. Almost a command.

“Breathe.”

“Yeah…”

“You… said… fine…” There was a shaky breath. “Others…come…save…”

“Of course. They’ll come. They are on their way.”

“…good…nothing…worry…”

“Yeah, you’re right, they- Hey, Tony, open your eyes, come on. Open your eyes. That’s it. That’s perfect.”

If Jarvis hadn’t known Steve Rogers loved Tony Stark, this audio snippet would have been enough to convince him. The microphones were lightly damaged too, transmitting as much unwanted noises as wanted ones, but they still caught the layered emotions in his voice.

“…out…”

“We’re getting out as soon as the others find us. Don’t worry.”

“…you…”

“No.”

“…should…”

“No.” The Captain’s voice was fierce, hard and unyielding. “They are on their way. We will just wait here.”

“…Ste-” Another cough was audible, as well as the agonizingly wheezing and dangerous spikes in Sir’s vitals.

“Breathe, come on, Tony. That’s good.” The small tremble was almost drowned out by a forlorn need to help, to ease Sir’s pain. “No, no, no, no, open your eyes. Tony, come on. Open your eyes.”

There was a traitorous hitch in the too fast breathing.

“You have to stay awake Tony, come on, open your eyes. _Please_.”

The microphone picked up some movements and a shuddering breath that almost sounded wet.

“Open your eyes, come on.”

“…Cap…” It was less than a murmur and more like the last air leaving a balloon.

“I’m here. Come on, Iron Man, you won’t let a few bricks stop you, right?” The forced laugh was barely recognizable as such.

Another exhale that might have carried a word.

“ _Tony_.”

“ _Please! Please wake up!_ ”

“ _Open your eyes, Tony. Please, look at me._ ”

“ _Tony._ ”

After that there was no more noise aside from the heavy, far too fast breathing of Steve Rogers, hiccupping from time to time.

35 minutes later there was the sound of rubble moving.

41 minutes later there were voices and the Captains answering screams for help, for medical.

“They are here, Tony. You’re going to be-”

More noise, a grunt and the voices of Thor and Agent Romanov close enough to know they were right there.

It would take them seven more minutes to get Sir out of the rubble, cutting the rebar to move it with Sir.

The ride to the hospital would take another 9.5 minutes.

From that point on Jarvis, who had hacked into the hospital the minute he knew which they would take Sir to, had video and audio files already.

The surgery lasted 4 hours and 51 minutes. Almost five hours in which the Avengers took turns to calm the Captain. Dr. Banner had cleaned the worst of his cuts in the waiting room. Agent Romanov and Thor had forced him into a restroom to at least wash up and change clothes. In the meantime, Agent Barton had acquired food which all of them made the super soldier eat.

Dr. Banner had been asked after an hour to join the Doctors working on Sir, because the arc reactor casing had been damaged.

Captain Rogers had a panic attack.

When Dr. Banner returned, he smiled, letting the Captain grab him and explained what Jarvis knew already. Sir had lost a lot of blood, had a severe concussion, some deep bruises and cuts, but all in all he would be fine. The casing issue would have to be worked on but it wasn’t dangerous.

As soon as all of them had themselves back under control, Dr. Banner let Captain Rogers sit with the drugged super hero laying still in the hospital bed.

The rest of Earths Mightiest Heroes didn’t go home. They sat down on the floor in the hall right beside and in front of the door leading to Sir’s hospital room.

“Fuck.”

All of their eyes wandered to Agent Barton, who had slumped his shoulders just a little lower.

“I agree.” Thor leaned back, his eyes trained on the door.

“He is going to be fine.” Dr. Banner sighed. He looked worn out and exhausted. Jarvis knew this didn’t only come from the transformation. He still tracked his vitals carefully. Right now, Dr. Banner would most likely fall asleep while walking then _hulking-out_.

“Is Cap going to be fine?”

“Yes.” There was steel in Agent Romanov’s word, a clear warning that she would make it so.

“As soon as Anthony heals, so will Steven.” Thor agreed, even if there still was worried look on his face. “It seemed we should keep both of our Shield brothers away from buildings. They tend to get buried under them.”

The other three Avengers smiled at that.

“Good luck with that.” Dr. Banner murmured, sliding a little lower on the wall and falling asleep in the same breath.

Agent Romanov, who had waited for that to happen, stood up gracefully and tucked a hospital bed out of the room right next to Sir’s, glancing at Thor, who stood up and very carefully placed Dr. Banner on it before tugging him in.

The glance between the Agents was both exasperated and indulging.

As soon as the sleeping man was set up, Thor and Agent Romanov resumed their previous positions.

“What are the chances they are going to finally _talk_?”

The Black Widow glared at her fellow spy with disapproval. “Probably even lower than before.”

“I don’t believe so, Natasha.” The god placed his arms on his knees, Mjolnir sitting right beside him. “Steven must have talked to Anthony while they were-”

“You mean like Tony talked to Steve the last time?”

“It was before Steven felt comfortable sharing his preferences-”

“Yeah, but he still hasn’t _shared his preference_ for Tony with Tony yet.” Agent Barton huffed.

“And he won’t. Not now.”

“But _why_? If that pining gets any worse, I swear, I’m going to tell both of them. This is-”

“You won’t.”

“Just because you want to win the bet-”

The look Agent Romanov threw the other assassin at that moment could have killed him.

“No one is going to say _anything_.”

“Nat.”

“No.”

“Natasha is right.” Thor nodded. “They have to decide for themselves when they are going to share their love with each other.”

“That could take _forever_! They are pining after each since we moved in!”

The Black Widow raised an eyebrow. “Since they met at the Helicarrier.”

“That’s even worse!”

“Two weeks ago, I saw them sharing a meal together in the kitchen.” The god sounded quietly amused. “They looked at each other with such deep adoration I thought for sure they had confessed to each other.”

“That’s nothing!” Agent Barton threw his hands up. “You remember the door Tony ran into the other day? He did it, because Steve laughed at one of his jokes. He was too distracted by Cap laughing at one of his jokes to not walk into a door. And I was blamed for it!”

“To be fair, you were on Tony-duty.” Agent Romanov reminded him lightly.

“Before Cap decided to fry his brain he was fine!”

“I’ve found Steve’s last fourteen sketch pads.” By found Agent Romanov meant in one of her scouting’s of the Tower she had specifically looked for them. “Guess how many drawings weren’t of Tony.”

Agent Barton groaned. “None?”

“Technically there was one of the team.”

“So none.”

“None.”

“I think it is most romantic.”

Agent Barton glared at the god. “It’s torture, that’s what it is.”

“They’ll get there. They just need a little more time.” Agent Romanov smiled, her eyes looking straight in one of the cameras in the hallway, knowing full well that Jarvis was watching them and Sir. “And if they still need a little… support...” Her smile grew, almost threateningly.

(Jarvis had to agree with her. And seeing how invested all of the Avengers were in the endeavor there was not a single doubt in his mind that his plans would come to fruition.)

(All they needed was a little more time.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for everyone of you wonderful people for reading this whole thing! More thanks to all of you who commented! You are amazing!
> 
> I'm already writing the next installment of this series, so if you liked this, stay tuned. I hope I'm able to post the first chapter tomorrow :D
> 
> Oh and: I guaranty that they will get together. But it's as Jarvis says: All they need is a little more time.

**Author's Note:**

> My sister actually like this sandwich when she was about 6 years old. Today she is a vegetarian. Coincident?
> 
> Comments and Kudos is how I survive this cruel world ;)


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